THinkWrite Challenge LV

Question

Thanks again to midnight for choosing me as the torchbearer.  I don’t plan to make things difficult either although I think kazoo was a humdinger.  The word list is as follows and all forms of the words can be used.  Most of the words can have multiple meanings so it should flesh out some interesting stuff.  Since this is the 55th edition of the ThinkWrite Challenge I’ll put the word count at 255.  If you stray a few here or there it’s fine but try to stay close.  I am more interested in the “feelings” you create with your words and how well edited they are.  I know, always the task master.  Remember 255…

Fold
Creek
Foster
Stiff
Chance
Choice
Bolster
Park
Malice
Character

Have fun!  This challenge will end on the 28th.

Comments

I'm installing our new computer today, finally, and I'm not sure how well it will go with the internet hookup so I may not be able to comment for a day or two, but keep writing and discussing!  Thanks...Doug

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Only a few more days before I pass the torch.  I know there are some great stories out there waiting to be told!

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Thank you all for participating.  Ron, I hope you stick around.

Answer 1

Not really a choice

They say there's always a lot of malice in my roleplay characters. Apparently, I never miss a chance to introduce a villain. From my point of view, I don't see that I have much choice. I mean, what is my other option? A character that spreads love and goodness all around? One whose mother died tragically at birth, but they were lucky enough to have the kindest foster parents in the world and grew up having everything they could possibly want? One that is infallible, tough, never folds under pressure, never strays from the path of righteousness? That's been done time and time again and, let me tell you, it's getting boring.
I'd much rather have a character that is deeply flawed and may react in ways that we wouldn't like people to act in real life. One that makes the story move forward and creates turmoil.
Here, I'll show you what I mean. Say there's a story developing and you are choosing your character. Would you rather be the person that just happened to be crossing the small wooden bridge in your local park, whistling a happy tune, watching birds fly by, flowers bloom, kids play; or would you rather be the person that removes the bolster from that bridge, making the other one fall into the creek and break their neck? Who do you think will have more fun when the police arrive? The crazy person chuckling from the shadows, or the whistler, laying stiff in the cold water?

Comments

255 with title. I have to say, for me it was the easiest word list yet.

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Good point, Spots.  It's cathartic.  When the Gestapo raided Picasso's studio they saw 'Guernica' (one of his anti war paintings) and asked him "Did you do this?"  Picasso said  "No. You did."

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Hahaha. Thanks.

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Good story wrapped up in a short time done very efficiently.  Tight editing and a fun read.  By the way I'd be the lurker in the shadows watching it all with a smile on my face.

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Wanna hear a funny thing? I wouldn't.
But thanks for the comment. ;^)

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I'd rather be the crazy. Life's so much more fun when you're crazy and chuckling in the shadows.

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Ok Spots, this was a great example of a tightly edited story with a great ending.  I loved the "choices" you gave at the end of the story.  It gave me a chuckle and I could visualize the ending of the story.  So I bestow unto you the ThinkWrite Challenge torch.  It is your responsibility to come up with a 10 word list and a word count.  Have fun!

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Woah, seriously? I truly wasn't expecting that. I'll have to give it some thought. Thanks.

Answer 2

"Hold 'Em Hold Up"

“I fold.” Anger crossed Carl's face as he laid his hand on the table. He had a horrible poker face and hated to lose.

“I'll raise five,” said Alice, adding her chips to the pot. She knew she was taking a chance. Two pair was good, but with one pair showing and the river still to come, her hand was shaky at best.

Simon called, and the last card was flipped.

All faces remained stony, save Carl's malice-filled expression.

Alice noticed Jimmy stiffen. A small tell, but she knew the sort of character he was, and it was enough. He checked. Alice decided to bolster the pot. She raised.

Simon had to make a choice. It seemed Jimmy didn't have a great hand, but he couldn't read Alice at all. He had three of a kind, but there was a possible straight on the table, and he wasn't sure he should risk it.

After several moments of silent consideration, he called.

Jimmy raised. Alice and Simon were both shocked, but they didn't let it show.

Carl was still fostering resentment, but couldn't afford to lose more chips. It was a low-stakes game, but after his wife dumped all his valuables in the creek, he had little left to keep him going.

Alice called. Simon called. They all flipped their cards.

Jimmy surprised them all with a straight and took the pot.

Later that evening when Jimmy was trying to figure out where his car was parked, Carl shot him and took his winnings.

Comments

Sounds like you had fun writing that one.  Nice twist at the end :)

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Good take on the list.  A very fun read with a gorey end.

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A fun read indeed.

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Go Carl!

I love you midnight. I swear to God I could've said you were a Hold 'em player if I'd've just been asked.

We can never be together cause your Dad would kill me but - will you marry me?

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Sure! I expect a diamond engagement ring to seal the deal. If you can't afford it, go play some Hold 'em and win some cash.

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Course baby. I never lose.

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good. then you can get me a really big diamond.

Answer 3

DEATH WISH  (Ithink I'm 255 w/o title)
 
Like a character in a soap opera, she folded her arms and glared at him.  That stiff glare went right through him.  She was out to conquer him and had no qualms about it.  He always pleaded with her.
 
"Tell me about your feelings."  he would beg - as if he gave a damn about anything but getting laid.  He had no malice, but he just knew how to finesse his angry girl  (soap opera - style.)
 
"My world revolves around you, Darling.  Nothing but your feelings matter to me."  He said.

"Thank you but Jim has invited me to a day by the creek or a picnic in the park - my choice."

He screamed "What's he up to?  Is he trying to foster your affection or bolster your self pity?"
 
"How arrogant of you."  She slapped him.  "By chance, do you know what true love is?"

"I know more than you, bitch.  He's a horn dog just like me."

At that time Jim drove up.  She ran inside for her picnic basket and skipped her way to his car.  Jim threw me a knowing wink.  This soap opera queen was in for the day from hell.  I waved goodbye as she was screaming obscenities at me out of her window.  She was about to die.  Bye bye.

Jim and I made fortunes off of soap opera addicts.  Too bad they had to die.  That's just life in the big city.  They were so easy to capture and kill.  We stole the rest.  We had it together.  One goes down.  Two come up.

Comments

Nice. Gorey, but with a cheerful feel to it. Or maybe that's just me...

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Good one giraffe. A different take on the murder story.  The soap opera theme kept me interested.

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On re-reading it I noticed that I screwed up the tenses.  It started out talking about "he did this or that". Then I switched to first person "I did this and we did that".  Big faux pas, but I learn.

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Hey Giraffe, don't forget on the soaps they always bring them back to life with some kind of transplant and the evil ones get a new look with plastic surgery. EEK. Good spoof .   :)

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Yeah.  Maybe she'll come out of a coma and have amnesia and forget all about it.  Then she can start the whole process again.  But whose baby is she carrying?

Answer 4

Doug, Congrats... Here is my  story it has  255  words  w/o  title

"ANIMALS ARE OUR FRIENDS"


  "Three strikes and your out,  isn't that what I told
you the last time you were in my court Mr.
Fox?"   "Yes sir Judge"   Tommy replied.
" Bailiff swear him in."  

  Tommy placed his right hand on the bible. " Do you
swear to tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth
so help you god?"  "Yes sir." Tommy answered as he
straightened his posture. "These allegations are serious. This kind of
malicious behavior is unacceptable.   The boys will be boys excuse
holds no justification for ANIMAL ABUSE." Judge Evans glared at
the teen . " Tell the court what happened."  " Well, I was
at the park when I saw 'Bruce' playing around the
chairs he had the, um, cushion, you know those long
ones?" as Tommy struggled to describe what he meant, Judge
Evans interrupted, " Yes, yes, the bolster, go on." Tommy continued ,
his eyes welling with tears. "He rolled the kitten up
I followed him to the creek. People were yelling and
running toward us, then he just threw it into the
water. One man jumped in and saved it, the others
caught us and waited for the police." Judge Evans explained
" being guilty by association, and having no chances left, I
have no choice but to sentence you to six weeks
of 'Boot Camp'.There you will build character. Tommy's foster
mother implored to no avail.
  
  "My decision is final" the judge said in a stern
voice as he struck his gavel three times. Tommy stiffened
when grabbed by his shoulder.
"Bailiff take him into custody."

Comments

Interesting question, B.  How much responsibility does someone have when they DON'T stop a preventable crime?

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The person who "watches it happen" with some participation is always guilty in my book.  Good story bhughes.  Can't wait to see another try from you.

Answer 5

LONG TALL SALLY

It was very out of character for me, but I parked my Vespa underneath a low hanging tree.  I was in a hurry.  I knew that birds above (with no malice) would drop poop on my seat and handle bars.  I'd deal with that later.

My immediate problem was my stiff member - if you know what I mean.  Sally was my favorite waitress.  She was folding napkins when I came in.  I said "Honey, we gotta go to the creek."

"You're takin' your chances here Buster."  Then she tweaked my earlobe and said "Let's go."  To the other waitress she yelled  "Hon, I got some serious business here.  I'll be back in an hour."

Consuella nodded and said  "Go do him.  You owe me one."

To bolster my pride and foster my needs, I said  "It's your choice, baby.  Feel my banana pants?"  as I held her against me.

"Cash up front and I've raised my rates.  Two hundred bucks."  is all she said,  I gave her the money and walked her happily to my Vespa.

We had nothing else to talk about until she saw my Vespa and yelled "I'm not sittin on all that bird shit."  Sally stormed off and said she was keeping the money for the inconvience and disgust.

It was always like this.  I didn't want her or even sex again, but I felt satisfied.  Tomorrow may be different.  There's a really cute chick at Kmart.  She's a lot cheaper, too.  I still can't forget Sally.  I might marry her.

Comments

That one pulls out your comedic side very well.  You know I drive a scooter so your Vespa intro got me right away.  Feel my banana pants?  Wow,  I like that.  So funny!

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Glad you got a chuckle, Doug.  It's not a true story, but you'd probably know more about these things - being a scooter rider yourself.  haha.

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Well, that was new. Made me laugh, though. Good work.

Answer 6

In the Fold

Choice is a casual term.  Chance is a luxury only afforded to those who have the stomach for it.  My life has never been about choice or chance only the daily horrors I face; those that invade my brain and cause short circuits.  I lost my wife and kids when our house burned down.  My psychiatrist says that having such a terrible thing happen to you changes your character.  He called it Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome like I’ve been in some damn war or something.  All I know is that I’ve never been the same since the fire and that no matter how hard he tries it’s not going to bolster my self-esteem.  I’m a sad sack in life and misery loves me.  I spend my days sitting at Sutters Creek watching the ripples of water flow by.  Occasionally, I’ll throw a stick in to foster a new swirl, interrupt the pattern and texture of the flow.  At night I sit in the same park, but hang out on a  bench…where my mind can truly relax.  I listen to the night sounds…a fluttering bat…crickets and I spy the most beautiful muted color shades created from the moon and stars reflecting off nature.  It’s so peaceful I don’t notice the trance I fall into.  My eyes glaze over…my breathing becomes more shallow…rhythmic and my head goes somewhere else.  A passerby comes just a tad too close and I leap grabbing him by the throat and rip his meaty flesh apart.  I throw the rest of the bloody carcass into the creek.  No malice in my heart, no choices and no chances to stop myself.  I need to go back to my psychiatrist.



Kill….me…please…

Answer 7

“Brain Surgery” by Ron

I was awake and I could hear them. I heard a grinding noise. I smelled smoke. I tried opening my eyes but they were fastened somehow.

They said “This fold in the cerebrum should be of particular note. It houses memories.”

I heard but did not feel a fleshy, pulling ‘slurp’ and I saw the creek beside my foster parent’s home. I was naked and kids were laughing. We were all naked. We were skinny dipping in the creek. But my thingy was stiff and that’s what they were laughing at.

Then they said “This area too is of special note as it controls choice.”

Again with the ‘slurp’ and I was playing dice with my tuition money. I took a chance and lost once, twice and again. I bolstered my courage and threw again. My education suffered.

They said “And again here…” and I was holding a gun at a pizza parlor. I was screaming at some Asian kid. He wet himself.

They said “And this is always of interest…” and I was selling drugs.

They said “And here again…” and I was selling my body.

Then they said “Oh yes. Here too…” and I was begging for drugs on the street.

They said “And this is a special area. This is character. Note the difference in shade. This is malice. We’ll just snip this right out.”

‘Slurp’ again and I was in a nice park. I was swaddled in a knit blanket and was feeding the pigeons. They are such nice birds, pigeons.

Comments

I'm not often a fan of my own work but I like this one. It was fun to write. Good job on the word list. I actually had to flesh this one out as I came in at 156 words on the 1st pass. This is so not my usual problem. Anyways - this is based entirely on the word "fold" and I applaud the list. Nice one and good count. Short and sweet.

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I think it's excellent, ron.  What a stretch of the imagination to have it removed.

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Nice example of tight editing adding to the rhythm of the piece.  Me, I can't stand pigeons. :)