Man and Animal

Question

How about stories about the ongoing debate over Man and Animal (Bugs, fish, lions, dragons and dinasaurs acceptable.

Answer 1

OZ

My cat Oz doesn't smoke.  Maybe he's a victim of my second hand smoke, but I obviously don't care that much.  I rescued him from being gassed to death, so every day of his life is more than he would have had.

I feed him, house him and clean his litterbox.  Maybe my second hand smoke is just a slower gas chamber.  I try to rationalize this.  If he was outside, there would be pollution and car emissions and he could become road kill.  At least I protect him from that.

He sits in my lap and I stroke his fur and meditate on the relationship between us.  And my ex-wife.  And my daughter.  And my boss.  It's a calming thing for me.  Prrrrr.

Comments

Giraffe:  Smoke outside!  Having two kids with lung diseases my wife only smokes outside.  Your cats will thank you!  I enjoyed your last paragraph. Prrrr.

---

Liked this one giraffe, partially because my cat is named Ozzy but we often call him Oz.  There's nothing quite so relaxing as a contented cat purring is there, it just makes it seem like there's nothing so bad in the world that you can't get over.

---

Hi, Dragon.  My cat came with the name Oscar and I know a guy with that name whom I really don't like, so I shortened it.  He doesn't answer to any name, so it really doesn't matter.

---

That's funny giraffe, 'cause my other cat is named Oscar and he came with the name too.  I wouldn't have named him Oscar if it had been up to me because my first cat is name Ozzy.

Answer 2

Man vs. Fruit Fly

Ok you asked for it giraffe…

I have come to the conclusion that the fruit fly is the cockroach of our generation.  It is a menace to today’s society whether at work or home.  For those of us in the food service industry such as me the fruit fly, although totally harmless except to those customers who might find one in their dessert, is a beast with a brain.  Year around the fruit fly or you might call them nats can be found in any restaurant.  They feed off sugary substances and love fruit (duh!).  We have added several fruit drinks to our menu and the population explosion of the fruit fly has been astronomical.  Fruit flies only one to two days after hatching.  They commonly lay eggs in drains and hatch from there.  You can spray pesticide all you want and it will not get rid of them.  Several remedies have been suggested to me and all I do is see more of those damn bugs.  Take liquid bleach and pour it down all the drains and cover them up.  The ammonia gas will kill the eggs and end the
Fruit fly explosion.  It seems the more I treat the more they eat!  They hang out on walls.  I give them a swat with a towel and knock them down and out but minutes later five of their friends show up to take their place.  I take a can of insecticide and start on one side of my basement (at work) and fog the crap out of the whole area backing my way out to the steps.  A day later they have multiplied.  Those who say that chemicals over time lead to super bugs can point to the cockroach as living proof of who is the king of this world.

For me it’s the fruit fly, the little bastards!

Answer 3

OK, gotcha.

OF MICE AND MEN

Every morning Jim would open the restaurant and start cleaning up mouse poop.  It was all over- especially on the kitchen counters.  Sometimes they had eaten through tupperware to get at the bread sticks, or torn apart a bag of flour to eat.  They always scattered as soon as they heard his key in the lock.

Jim talked to the exterminators.  They told him he would never get totally rid of them because all of these old buildings are connected through the basements.  Since it was a food establishment, they couldn't put out poison where it might contaminate any food, but they offered one solution.

Put rat poison around the perimiter of the basement so that any newcomers will die.  Jim was very humane and felt bad, but he decided to kill Mickey Mouse.

Two days later during lunch hour, they started trickling upstairs to stumble around and die.  The waitresses would try to kick them under an empty table while they were handing out menus.  Who knows why a dying mouse would come upstairs for their last hurrah?  Maybe that's because they remember where their food was.  And maybe they wanted to torment people in their last breath.

Jim was kind of disgusted and resolved to never eat in China Town ever again.

Comments

You got a few things right.  Buildings are interconnected below ground and the rats do travel.  It especially seems more prevalant when a "next door neighbor" is doing remodeling.  A few snap traps will take care of the varmints.  In my 20 years in the same location we have had them twice both times being when my neighbor was tearing things up.  Exterminators as part of your monthly service "refuel" the bait stations if you have them.   The rats eat the bait and then go back to where they came from and die.  They usually stick to the sub-levels as they are very skttish and do not like to be around people.

Now on to the American and German cockroach...never mind :D

---

This was in S.F. near the Bay.  They have "wharf rats".  The story was true except I embellished the numbers that came upstairs (for dramatic effect).  Only one came up during lunch hour.  It stumbled around and died and Arlene tried to distract the customers while she kicked it under a table.

---

With three rivers flowing around and through the burgh' we have river rats.  Same difference.

---

I'm priviledged to live in one of the very few rat free places on earth (Alberta waged a war with rats several decades ago and so far we're still considered rat-free) but I have had experience with mice for sure.  Worst was when a momma mouse decided to live in our house.  We didn't realize she was a momma until we got her with a trap and the babies started coming out looking for food.  Thank God they were too young to survive on their own but for 2 or 3 days we were finding them in our shoes and what not. Blech.

Answer 4

Doug, this one's for you.


A day in a life

Bizz and Buzz were brothers. At least that's how they liked to think of each other. They would never find out who their real parents were, but they saw the light of day at the same time and were inseparable ever since.

"Hey, Buzz," Bizz said, "check out the peaches on that one."

"Mmmmm," the other replied. "I'm goin' in."

They landed on the piece of fruit that was sticking out of a hump of some cold sweet stuff, which they heard was supposedly delicious, but too sticky and wet and it was extremely rare that someone made it out alive. The last one to do so lived over 10 generations before them and nobody was sure if the story was true.

"Oh, that's the best peach I've ever head," Buzz said and Bizz agreed.

"If only those damn humans would stop pestering us. Look at him, waving his hand around, I'm getting some serious wind here, man."

Bizz, who was on the other side of the peach, laughed.

"Look out, dude!" Buzz yelled as a large metal object approached him from the air. They both took off, escaping the deadly threat. "Boy, they really are everywhere. And is it just me or are they growing in numbers?"

They flew around for a bit, retreating into area where they were born and where there seemed to be fewer people and more food. They settled onto a wall, out of the way of the humans who were running around as if their house was on fire.

"Look at them," one of the brothers said and before he could continue, a large object hit him on the head and both flies dropped to the ground, deceased.

The cook eyed them with a large grin "Gotcha!"

Comments

Bravo!!  I can't stop laughing!

---

So funny.  Very well developed.  This thread is open ended, so keep going.

---

Thanks. :)

---

Missed this thread until now, so I'm late here...this was WONDERFUL!

Answer 5

Man vs. Lion

This is a true story.  I was very young maybe 5 or 6 and my grandparents would take my brother and me to the Indianapolis Zoo quite often.  Well after this incident we never went back.  I have pictures of me riding a giant tortoise that my mom gave me after the divorce.  There in the picture was my proud granddad standing next to me while I was smiling at the camera sitting atop that huge turtle.

My fondest memory and one we still talk about is my granddad’s lesson on lions.  Back in those days the zoo had two lions roaming a small steel cage with a cement floor.  The cage was square and you could walk around its perimeter to get a good look at them.  My granddad was studying the beasts when one of them raised his leg a squirted a stream of pee 15 yards out dousing my granddad.  It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.  Not just the actual vision of it happening which I can still see clear as day but the fact that my granddad was a very stern individual who at least that day was quite humbled by the kind of the beasts.

Comments

If I could upload that turtle picture I would.  I was so cute. lol.

---

I have a similar story, my brother-in-law got sprayed by a Tiger at the Calgary Zoo.  He had the presence of mind to push my neice out of the way but wasn't quick enough to avoid getting the drench himself.

Answer 6

The War

There is a constant war going on in our condo.  On one side are my boyfriend and I.  We sport a variety of weapons, our superior human intellect, our opposable thumbs and, of course, a wide assortment of spray bottles scattered throughout the apartment.  Our worthy opponent is a 13 pound orange manx named Oscar.  His arsenal includes boundless energy, and impertinent attitude and a very loud voice.  Our other two cats are innocent bystanders and, occasionally, collateral damage.  

I’m not quite sure how the war began, it started small with some simple meowing for attention and progressed quickly into a night time barrage of irritating howls.  For a time Oscar also deployed the stealth  attack- namely leaping from the window sill onto the center of my chest while I was at the deepest point of sleep.  I’m pretty sure the Geneva Convention has deemed sleep depravation as a torture method but then Oscar’s never been to Geneva.

We turned to chemical warfare to win our battles, yes we drugged him.  Ah, the sheer joy of sleeping the night through.   We still fight minor skirmishes every now and again.  It’s not uncommon to hear us cry out “Shut UP!” while Oscar sits around the corner howling, or my personal favourite “Poop in Silence!” as he gives us the litterbox update.  But really, the war has ended.  Thank goodness too, I really love the little bugger, I just don’t need to know his opinion on everything!

Comments

That is so similar to my Oz.  I haven't gone 'chemical' yet, but if he keeps biting and scratching me, I may have to.  He purrs like a semi truck then decides to bite.  He just gets carried away in his ecstasy.

---

Good one Dragon.  We have two cats (brothers) and a dog who entered the mix two years ago after the "boys" had already established themselves as kings of this castle.  They get along pretty well.  The dog gets a claw or two in the nose, but not too much damage.  The dog thinks she has to herd everything in the house and is the mother hen.  She is not satisfied until everyone in the household is together.  Then she is at peace.

---

Nice!!!

---

hehe doug, we have 3 cats.  I brought my 2 boys (Ozzy & Oscar) with me when I moved in with my fella and his female cat Matilda.  Oscar thinks everyone loves him but they don't. Ozzy loves Matilda.  Matilda hates them both and longs for the days of being an only child again.  Oscar also suffers from what we call Excessive Personality Disorder.

---

Dragon, I missed your comment till now.  The biggest rule about cats is you do not introduce another cat into the mix.  The fur really flys.  My brother and I would always try to catch a stray and bring it in the house.  Our two brother cats would have a fit hissing and spitting and tearing things apart until that intruder was gone.  Those two brothers lived to 25.  I have another set of brothers now.

Answer 7

Mother Nature

God only made a few rules for Adam at first.  One was to not eat from the 'Tree of Knowlege'.  Knowlege would tempt him, but if you don't stay ignorant, you have to leave.  Another was to be the caretaker of all of the animals in the Garden.  In reward he gets a mate to be fruitful and multiply with.

So when Adam disobeyed God, he was expelled from the Garden and all those animals were left with no caretaker.  They ran amok - foraging for whatever food they could find in Adam's garden plots.

"Oh, shit,"  God said,  "Now I have to do everything."  His wife, Mother Nature, said "Let me field this one.  I'll put them all in places that have the right nutrition."

"OK, Baby.  Just be careful with the little ones."

"No prob, God.  Consider it done."

Soon the offspring of Adam and Eve started eating cows, sheep, birds, pigs, etc.  God got pissed again and caused a major flood.  He only told one guy about it and advised Noah to build an ark to take all of the animals to safety.

Noah got right on it and saved every animal except dinasaurs - and they were just a pain in the ass anyway.  Eventually, his descendants created zoos because so many were becoming extinct in the wild.  I wonder what will happen next?

Comments

LOL at "Oh shit" God said.  Cute story, don't forget Noah also left the Unicorns behind but that was 'cause they were too busy playing to listen when he called.

---

Thanks, Dragon.  I think he left the dragons and Pegasus behind too.  AND all sensibility.

---

We have a huge forest fire going on in Boulder Canyon, CO.  They say it was caused by an irresponsible driver who crashed into a propane tank.  I think it was dragon fire.  Maybe they're the same thing.

---

Perhaps a drunken dragon doing propane tank fly by's.  Dragons are just so irresponsible when we get a few gallons of ale into us.

---

I'll let you two work this one out.  You didn't explain the crop circles yet!

---

LOL! Nice!!
Doug, don't you know? The crop circles were made by dino-dogs when they were trying to lay down and rest.

Answer 8

“I want to see a monkey.”

Those were the first words I uttered after my mother told me that she was taking me to Vietnam.  Of course, I didn’t actually expect to see one.  I didn’t really have any expectations.  I was sixteen, and it was my very first trip.  But when we approached the home of my cousin, there he was.  A little brown monkey.  He wore a makeshift rope collar, and my cousin kept him tied to a tree.  My mother explained to me later that she called ahead and mentioned my request.  So, naturally--for Vietnam anyway--my family went out and bought the little guy before we arrived.  

For the first few days, I watched him from a distance.  This wasn’t a dog or cat, and I didn’t know how to approach or handle a primate.  He wasn’t exactly domestic, but I could tell that he had been in captivity for awhile.  He didn’t try to run from people.  He would sit on a low branch eating scraps that were tossed at him.  The younger children were very mean to him.  They threw rocks at him and poked him with sticks.  They would chase him around his tree.  It was that abuse that finally motivated me to get closer.  I felt sorry for him and wanted to protect the poor little guy.

The first time I held my hand out to him he bit me.  He got me good right on that fleshy crescent between my thumb and index finger.  It wasn’t enough of a bite to break the skin, but it still hurt.  But I was undeterred.  Deciding to change my tactics, I pulled a chair up close to him but kept juuust a tad out of his reach.  I gave him bananas and mangos, trying to bribe him into trusting me.  After a bit, I’d slowly inch closer.  And closer.  Eventually I was close enough that he could sit in my lap.  It was about the time that I finally had the monkey sitting on my knee eating fruits and vegetables that the children came home from school.  They came straight for us with their sticks and stones.  My protective instincts kicked in and I pulled him closer to me and shielded him with my arms, deflecting the blows that those little monsters tried to get in.  Eventually the kids got bored and took off, and I looked down at my little monkey.  He was cowered in the crook of my arm.  But I got this feeling that he felt safe there.  Like he understood that I kept those kids from hurting him.  It was at that point that we had reached an understanding.

For the rest of the trip I spent time with him everyday.  He would jump up in my lap as soon as I sat down close to him.  I fed him.  Talked to him.  I named him George.  Not very original…I know.  George and I got along splendidly.  I had read before my travels that social grooming for primates could be so relaxing that it would cause them to fall into a trance.  So, I decided to try it out on George.  I combed through his fur with my fingers; picking out dirt mostly.  He fell asleep on my lap while I was grooming him.  And when I was finished, he hopped up onto my neck and went through my hair.  I have a small mole on the back of my neck, and I felt him pinch it.  But when he realized it was supposed to be there, he never touched it again.  I was so amazed at how smart he was.  

When it was time to leave, I wished I could take George with me.  But that was never going to happen.  So I patted his head and stroked his fur.  And I told him that I was going to miss him.  On the flight home, my mom’s sister—the aunt with absolutely no tact or sensitivity—explained to me that monkeys like George were a very expensive delicacy.

A…delicacy…

When we finally got home and settled in, my mom called our family in Vietnam to tell them that we had arrived safely.  I told her to ask how George was doing.  She asked and replied that he had run away.  

“Run away.”  Sure.

Deep down I know the truth of what happened to George.  But in my heart I like to believe that he did get away and made it back to the jungle and has a monkey wife and lots of monkey babies.  I only knew him for two weeks, but I’ll never forget him.  My mom likes to tell the story about the time I had a little pet monkey.  But George wasn’t my pet.  He was my friend.

I’ve been back to Vietnam several times since then, but I don’t ask for anything.  Not anymore.

Comments

Great response, Gemini.  It reminds me of the gorilla they taught to speak sign language and other good monkey stories.  The one where a baby was hit by a car in India and the whole group came out of the trees and blocked the intersection for hours in protest.  Is yours a true story?

---

That was both beautiful and sad at the same time. It really touched my heart.

---

Thank you Spots.  It is a true story, giraffe.  A lot of times, I'll write a story that is based on fact, but I'll elaborate, lol.  This is all fact.  I think about it fondly, but it also makes me sad.  I kind of feel silly for saying this, but I really believe that I had a connection with that little monkey.  I think he had a personality and feelings and the ability to learn and trust.  I sometimes think that he felt safe around people because of me.  The little kids never bothered him again after I made it clear that I didn't like it.  And in the end, it breaks my heart to learn what may have happened to him (my mom refuses to tell me what his fate really was to this day).

---

this broke my heart...good job

Answer 9

SEAN

Years ago, my best friend, Sean, found out he was terminally ill. He had 3 months maybe.  When asked what he wanted to do, he always said "I want to go to the zoo."  So I said "We're going to the zoo this Saturday.  I'll get you there.

Once we got there, we found out it was 'Family Free Day' at the zoo.  The place was crawling with people, baby strollers and screaming kids.  Not quite the trip either one of us had in mind.

We walked along the pathway and were exausted by all the noisy crowd, so we sat down on the grass, talked and watched the parade of life.  That burst of liiving made us both more depressed, so Sean lied down feeling weak.  There we were with a throng of obnoxious people.  I was having a hard time with this and Sean's impending death.

That's when I saw in front of me the most elegant of beasts, the giraffe.  I told Sean to hang in there and I'd be right back.  I went to the fence and watched them for maybe 15 minutes.  They must have known that I needed comfort, because they came over to me.

I looked into their eyes and felt a depth of concern - and not like "Toys R-Us.  I felt rejuvinated by their intense energy.  Part of that epiphany may have been imagined, but it was a turning place for me.  I went and helped Sean back to my car.  He hadn't had a good time at all.

Years later, I realized that Sean knew how much I was aching over losing my best friend.  What he wanted was for ME to go to the zoo.  He knew I'd need companionship and love after he died.  He found it for me.  I've gone by "giraffe" ever since.

I don't want to sound sappy, but this just seemed to need to pour out.

Comments

and that's the second story in a row that just about brought me to tears. it could have been told better, but there's emotion there, and that's beautiful.

---

Thanks, Midnight.  I didn't want it to sound slick or eloquent, more crude, untrained.  Different from my other writing which is all very slick and eloquent, of course.  LOL

---

I love it! And I know what you mean when you say how comforting giraffes are. They always amaze me and they are one of the main reasons i go to the zoo :-)

I Love how it's casual because it seems more personal and emotional. Good job! :-D (o & btw I just joined the website like 5 minutes ago & i absolutely LOVE it already!!)

Answer 10

The Dragons of East Hilton                                                                                                           My dad is wierd. I know its kinda bad for me to say this but its true. Hes a scientest at East Hilton. We lived in a town way far from there.  Mom never told me why we could not live there instead of driving 4 hours everday. That was what I was trying to find out. I didnt get science. Was it a activity or a destiny? No one knew. But I needed to. My dad got home everyday at 10:00. Sometimes he would be so tired he would fall asleep and we would have to carry him up stairs and into his room. Somtimes when people talk about their dads being a professional gymnast or a teacher i get embarresed. I didnt get the true meaning of science. I was talking to my best friend Jessica on a Friday afternoon. It was fall break and we were bored out of our minds. This is when I found a egg and a letter attached to it.  I slowly read the letter. It read Hello my name is B. Anthony please take care of my....friend and please watch out!!!!! signed B. Anthony. I read that out loud to my friend Jessica. She didnt know what to do. I picked up the egg and put it on my windowsill. It sat quitely for at least 2 weeks. Then whenever i would fall asleep at night i would hear cracking. Then on October 31, Halloween i saw it. His face was blue....his whole body was blue! I was stunned by his beauty. This was a dragon.  I named him Grasshopper. We were the best of friends. We would play hide and go seek. And we would laugh all day. He was stunned by humans and all the things we do. I was also stunned by his life. My dad came home from his buisness meeting in New Orlans on the 17 of November.  I hid the dragon quickly under my bed and ran downstairs. He was suprised at me for being late. He threw his hat onto the chair and gave me a hug and went to his room I thought. But then when I went upstairs he was holding up the baby dragon and looking very ashamed of me. I grabbed the dragon and I tried to speak but no words came out. He talked before i did. ' Im very disapointed in you. Why are you not trained well like your brother?" he said. He walked out of my room and I slammed the door. I yelled and slammed my pillow on my bed and tears rolled down my face. I knew it was either my dad or the dragon. I couldnt choose. It was either somone I loved or one of my best friends. I knew my dad in a few years wouldnt love me. So i picked the dragon. I opened my window and jumped out.  I landed perfectly on my feet. Me and my dragon ran away from home. He led me to his kingdom called East Hilton. I went inside the kingdom and I was brave and closed the door. I never looked back. It was 5 hours since I left home. I thought about why they said watch out. He couldnt tell me cause he couldnt talk of course. When we walked into the last room I felt a breeze of fresh air. Fog filled the air. But when it cleared i looked infront of me and there we 2 huge dragons. I couldnt exscape now. So i faced my fear and wished my family peace. I was about to die when my father  came. "Hands of her!!" he said in his horrible temper. "Dad!!!!" i cheered. He found a knife and stabbed both of the dragons. It was sad seeing all my precious memories fade away but i had my family. I took home the dragon and i lived a normal girl life.

Comments

Gummy.  This story has so many levels, I can't count them.  Family, friends, imagination, maturing, fantasies.  I read it 3 times - which is unusual for me.  I'd like to suggest breaking it up into paragraphs.  That would make it easier to read and also make you more concise at every turn of events.  Just a suggestion.  It's a very cool story.

---

thanks! you read it 3 times!!! Man this has to be the best story i have made since i wrote more and good tip. I try doing that i just dont know where to start. But anyways thankyou!