Fill in the Plot V

Question

OK, here it is. Sorry I took so long to get around to setting this challenge, but it's been a busy week. Anyway... welcome to Fill in the Plot V.

As with the other Fill in the Plot challenges, I'll remind you all of the main elements of a story. They are:

Setting: Where it is happening
Plot: What is happening
Characters: Who it is happening to

Challenge: I will give you the setting - it's up to you to fill in the rest. Feel free to add elements to the setting if you need to. I've been fairly detailed, but just to give a clear impression of what I had in mind. I don't need you to reference specifics from what I've given you so long as what you write matches the feel of what I've described.

Word Limit: I'll stick with 450 words. It seems to have worked well so far. :-)

Judgement Day: You have until November 25 to respond, but I'll almost certainly wait until the morning of the 26th to make my decision.

So... without further delay, here's the setting:

Deep in the Amazon rain forest, far from what we have come to know as modern civilization, lies a pristine valley, unsullied by man. Contrary to the popular image, the forest floor is open and unobstructed. The canopy is so dense here that very little light penetrates to the lower levels and only a few small, stunted saplings have taken root. All around are the great buttressed boles of the forest giants, rising like columns into the leafy green sky. Underfoot, generations of detritus from the massive trees has created a soft, slightly springy surface. It is early morning, but the green tinged light is weak, with only a few errant rays piercing through the foliage above. The air is warm, but not uncomfortably so, and pockets of mist from the previous night still remain in the hollows. All around are the sounds of wildlife greeting the new day; a chorus of howler monkeys, the harsh cries of scarlet macaws, the busy hum of countless insects. Iridescent butterflies flit about. A jaguar pads silently by, followed closely by a single cub. To an outsider, everything would seem idyllic, but there is a strange sense of unease, of expectancy. Something is not right.

Have fun! I'll be looking forward to your stories. :-) Kismet

Comments

hmm... interesting setting, Kismet. I'll have to think about this one.

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Hmmm... no interest from anyone? Okay, I knew I had created a setting that was outside the norm for most of you... I guess it was a bit too far outside your comfort zones. Oh well... anyone else want to pick up the torch? I like the idea of "Fill in the Plot" - I'd be sad to see it die out just because I'd created a setting that was too unfamiliar. So, let me know... I guess I'll pass the torch to whoever wants it.

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Oh, I totally forgot about this challenge! I'm so sorry Kismet!

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No worries WoN, I guess my setting was just a bit too much of a challenge. As you're the only one who's expressed any interest at all, I'd be happy to pass you the torch if you're willing to take it. :-) Yes?

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I actually loved the setting and even started writing. But then I didn't know exactly how to do it and I was quite busy for a while and then I just forgot. I'll try to finish what I started.

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Hey, Spots! Thanks for the response! :-)  I guess I'll leave this until the weekend, then, to see if there are any more responses.

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Thanks for the torch, Kismet. However, I don't seem to have much time to write a challenge and then to monitor it regularly. So, I hereby hand the torch to any good soul that will take it. Happy writing!

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No problem, Spots! I know all about "not enough time"... :-)
No one else seems to have jumped in just yet - how about you, WoN? Would you like to carry on the challenge?

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Thanks Kismet! I'd be happy to! :)

Answer 1

 

"Something is not right," the jaguar said to its cub as they walked through the dark and misty rain forest.
"What is it, papa?" the cub replied, a curious and somewhat worried look dominating its soft features. A lonely insect passed before its nose and the cub sprung after it, returning its attention to its father a moment later.

The father raised his brow looking right and left and pausing to sniff the air, "The caimans are gone." The little cub blinked as it watched its father with curiosity. "Where are they, papa?"

The jaguar continued to walk slowly, its head hung in thought. The cub followed, making up in speed what it lacked in height. It would paw at the ground occasionally, trying to catch a spider, but it kept part of its attention on its father.

"I think," the adult finally said, with the necessary confidence in its voice, "I think they were taken." Stopping, it turned to face its youngling. "But, who would take them, papa? And why?" Knowing that this conversation would eventually happen, the jaguar sat down and began.

"Son, you know how we told you about humans and how you should stay away from them? Well, this is part of the reason why. You see," it paused to pick the right words, "they sometimes, well, they kill other animals. But they don't do it for food and they don't kill just one. They come out in groups and they trhow little rocks so fast that when the rocks hit you they go through you and you bleed." The cub winced and the father wondered if it was saying too much, but the youngling had to learn. And from the looks of it, it had to learn quick. "And sometimes, you don't even see them. They just trap you with magical devices and then they come to get you when you are too weak to defend yourself." The little one gasped and the adult knew it was time to stop. "So, I believe it's them that took the caimans. And why? I do not know."

The jaguar sighed and stood, resuming its steady walk. The cub stayed behind, puzzled and worried, thinking what it all meant. When it saw its father moving away, it hurried to catch up. 

Comments

Nice. I was confused at first, but I liked the tone and it all made sense in the end. The only thing I would complain about is that every time you refer to either the cub or the father you say 'it' rather than 'he'. I found that annoying after a while and it made the characters and story less real to me. Overall, though, I did like it.

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I like that it's from the point of view of the jaguars. Nice description of how bullets and snares might be understood by an animal. About "it" vs. "he/she" - when I'm using animals in my stories, I tend to use "it" if I've cast them in a realistic role. If I'm anthropomorphizing (giving them human traits, such as speech), I tend to use "he/she". But having said that, I also find that (for me, anyway) either choice doesn't change the readability of a story. If my mind wants to go with "he/she" I'll make the substitution unconsciously while I read, as I seem to have done with this story. I didn't realize that you'd used "it" until I read WoN's comment...  :-)

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I know what you mean. I was actually constantly correcting myself, writing "he" and then switching to "it". I even considered switching to "he" at some point, but there didn't seem to be a reason to do that. It's even stranger to me, because in my language we don't use "it" for animals, or even things, so "he" would be perfectly natural.

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French?

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No, Croatian. But yeah, I think English is the only language that does use "it" for everything non-human.

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Oh, cool. I just said French because it's the only other language I sort of know how to speak. ;)
I don't know about the rest of the English-speaking world, but I always use he/she for animals. I'm not sure if that is grammatically correct or not, but I just find it easier. :P

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Congratulations, Spots! The torch is yours. Hopefully it will burn brighter in your hands than it did in mine...  ;-)