ThinkWrite Challenge LXXVII

Question

 

Without much delay, I give you the list of words for this challenge:

leaf

rain

red

skeleton

hook

brush

type

orange

picture

hug

You can use any form of the word, but you must use all ten. Your story should be between 220 and 230 words. The rest is up to you. Deadline is, as always, 2 weeks from now (that's November 15th).

Have fun!

Comments

Weeee!!!  Awesome word list, Spots!  I'm in....

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Very nice list Spots! I wish I had more time to write a response, but I'm pretty busy this month with NaNoWriMo. I'm going to try and get something out though, if only as just an act of procrastination from my novel, haha. ;)

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Ok, I made my pick - WoN gets the torch for the next challenge.
I'd like to compliment once again all the contributors. You made it a really hard choice. If someone else had to pick, I would have been happy with whatever choice they made. Thanks for sharing your brilliance, guys!

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Wow! Thanks Spots, this is great! Now to come up with an evil word list for you all! Bwa ha ha! xP

Answer 1

// forewarning: this story at parts is kind of graphic. I don't know what you classify as graphic; I don't think it's that bad but it may be a little over the top for the class that is on here, I'm just not sure. So just a warning before you read.

The red leaves crunch under the winter boots my mom made me wear. It doesn’t even look like it will rain today, let alone be cold enough for winter boots. But try and tell her that. Of course, in her defense, she didn’t know that I’d be doing this today either.

In October, the air tastes orange. If you’ve ever really stopped to examine October, you’ll know what I mean. It’s like God took a giant brush and painted the world that colour. I want to hang a picture of it from the hook on my wall the way skeletons hang from the trees and threaten to hug me. But that’s a story for another day; if there is another day.

I look down at myself and see where my ungloved hand is clenched against my stomach, a sad attempt to stop the flow of blood out of my body.

During this season my house always smells like pumpkin pie.

The type of boots I’m wearing doesn’t help me run. They trip me up and when I fall, the sky is spinning around me. I almost don’t recognize the man from the fight I witnessed only minutes ago.

How did I get on the ground?

“Look kid, if you hadn’t of been there, the bullet wouldn’t have hit you.”

If there is a next time, I definitely will stay away.

Comments

I absolutely love how you took one moment and used all senses to describe it expanding it into a full story. You painted an excellent picture with minimum reference to the actual event. I was gonna say that the only thing that would make it better is removing the speech part, because it's not essential to the story, even though it explains what happened. But then I realized that the speech makes the last sentence work and the last sentence is as essential part. Conclusion: Excellent work.

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Thanks Spots! I added the speech because I thought people would be irritated that mostly all of my stories don't really explain what is actually happening! haha.

Answer 2

It had been one of those glorious autumn days. Dawn was a picture of perfection with the low clouds touched with red as the sun rose. The rain held off all morning so there was a chance to brush up the fallen leaves, resplendent in their oranges and rich browns along the path under the trees. One leaf had almost disintegrated leaving a skeleton of lacy veins, a visual wonder of Mother Nature. A simple lunch of good beer, fresh bread and local sausage, with a friend at the local inn made the heart sing out with joy! The afternoon walk was bracing but the view from the hill top made the effort all the more worthwhile. Returning home, coat on its hook, I indulged in hot crumpets, spread with butter, cooked in front of the open log fire; it was like a hug for the senses. The dark evening came all too soon as the sun slipped into the west. When next I looked a full moon had risen casting a beautiful blue light over the leafless trees. It was the type of day to die for! A sobering thought for Remembrance Day. And I did remember, those I had known and missed, my father’s sadness when he used to recall his lost boyhood friends and the tales of loss of my grandfather.

Comments

Very nice Saxon. I really like the feel of this. The sentence that says, "One leaf had almost disintegrated leaving a skeleton of lacy veins..." - I really liked that a lot. I thought it was a great way to describe that sight.

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This is beautiful, Saxon. Brought tears to my eyes at the end.

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Lovely pictures, as usual, Saxon. And a nice thought for Rememberance day.

Answer 3

The leafless branches of the giant old oak tree etched itself against reddish orange western sky.  Standing in the rain, striped of its leaves, this grand tree looked but a skeleton of its once glorious splendor.  Suspended now in time forever by the brush of the master painter, this picture is hung by a type of hook that causes it to hug tightly to the wall for all to see.

Comments

Hi PastorJ1844,
Welcome to ThinkWrite! This is a beautiful image, but please, tell us more. It's not always about using the least words possible and this challenge sets 220 words as the minimum. You've done a lovely job of using all ten of the required words in only 70 words total - I'd love to see what you can do in 220! When you're logged in, you should see an "edit" button below your post that will allow you to make any changes you'd like to. I'll look forward to seeing more from you. :-)

Kismet

Answer 4

November 13, 2011

Dear Diary,

Just a skeleton crew tonight. The weather's nasty. Freezing rain mixed with sleet. I need a hug. This should be our busiest time of year, but we'll probably close early. Not that I want it that way, you understand. As I leaf through the list, there are way more "red" names than I like to see. You know the type. Bad eggs. Greedy little things. I know, I shouldn't grumble, but I miss the days when stockings were hung carefully on hooks by the fireplace in hopes of getting a Christmas orange, or maybe a Candy Cane. But now, no, that's not enough. Has to be something commercial. Something expensive. They need to have seen it on TV or they just brush it off as having no value. Okay, it's not as bad as all that. There are still some of the littler ones that want a picture book or some building blocks, but some of the letters we get now just make me shudder. These "video game" things they keep asking for - all the violence and destruction! I know, I sound like a stick in the mud, but Christmas used to be about love and caring and giving. Now it just seems to be about "getting". But maybe it will get better... there's still six weeks to go. I can hope.

Sincerely,
Elf #37

Comments

Okay, this is my second try at this challenge. I wrote one that I really liked, but for some inexplicable reason (or perhaps just because I wasn't reading carefully), I had 450 words stuck in my mind, not 230. Oh well, I don't like this one nearly as much, but at least it meets the requirements...  ;-)

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A very nice preparation for Christmas and a very lovely message. This year I'm making presents instead of buying them. More fun for me and more built-in value for my friends.
By all means post the longer story as well, don't let it just sit in the dark. :^)

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Excellent message, Kismet. I like the diary format, it worked well for what you were trying to get across. Nice job.

Answer 5

OK, here it is, the longer story that I know doesn't qualify for this challenge... but I quite like it anyway. ;-) In that the word count was already too high, I added back in a few lines that I had taken out to get it down to 450 words. It's now closer to 500. As I read it over, I guess I was still in "Hallowe'en" mode when I wrote it. Let me know what you think...

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It seemed like the perfect job for a student; night security in a large office building. When I told people what I did, "security" usually came out with a bit of sarcasm attached. I was really more of a glorified doorman. My primary job was to let in executives who came back after hours - usually with some little tart in tow (you know the type). Or sometimes it was someone just returning from a business trip on the red-eye at three in the morning and not wanting to drive all the way home, then come back only a few hours later. There was this one picture in the lobby, though, that really creeped me out. I always felt like it was watching me... but hey, no workplace is perfect.

It really was a great job - until that night. I can't tell you much about it. No one seems to have quite pieced together exactly what happened, but I'll tell you what I can recall. The weather was nasty - freezing rain mixed with sleet. I'd made my rounds, hung the skeleton key back on its hook and settled down to brush up on particle physics for an exam the next morning. I'd made myself a steaming pot of Orange Pekoe tea (my favourite), and just started to leaf through my notes when something caught my eye. Just a flicker on one of the security monitors, but enough to draw my attention. I put down my notebook and watched for a few moments. There it was again! Something, certainly, but I couldn't make out exactly what. A person? No, it couldn't be. Motion sensors would have tripped the alarm. Again! Third floor, near the elevators, hugging the wall. In retrospect, I should have called it in rather than going to look myself, but then, no one's ever accused me of having common sense.

And that's about it. I have no recollection of the next few hours and I suspect that's a good thing. They found my body the next morning at the bottom of the elevator shaft. I kind of think I don't want to remember exactly what happened.

Oh, there is one other thing I can tell you. Remember the picture? His name's Hal. It seems that he's the guy this building's named after, and get this, he died right here in this lobby on the day the building opened. I'd never given much thought to what happens after you die, but apparently, unless you have some specific destination in mind (Valhalla, Elysium, Heaven, whatever) you just kind of get "stuck" wherever you died. So me and Hal, I guess we're both stuck here. And you know, he still kind of creeps me out. Keeps saying how lonely he was and how much happier he is now that I've dropped in. It seems an odd way to phrase it. What do you think, am I missing something?

Comments

Oooh, that was really Halloweeny. Thanks for sharing!

Answer 6

Okay... so I finally got something written, but I got carried away.... and I couldn't bear to edit it down.  It's 401 words.... but all words are included. :P

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

Dark clouds gathered in the sky, rumbling ominously, their black shapes casting heavy shadows over the earth below.  The ocean rose and fell, heaving under the wind’s command, sending its spray over the still figure lying among the darkness by the edge of the sea.

Jace could feel the water tugging at his soul, just as the tide had pulled at him minutes before when it rushed over the prone figure.  His clothes were soaked in salt water, but even that did nothing to ease his burning.  It was as if a fire had settled within him, slowly eating away at him, from the inside out.  Was this how Illyanna had suffered?

At the thought of her, memories flooded back.  A single image settled in his mind, that of her concentrated face as she gazed at a creation she had nearly finished, unconscious of how the brush she was holding was dripping paint, staining her hand orange.

This was how he had first seen her, her thoughts absorbed in the picture she was trying to recreate on canvas.  She had caught him just like he would have caught a fish, with a deadly hook.

Jace shivered as the cold of the night began to slip inside of him.  The heavy clouds were beginning to open their doors and huge rain drops began to soak his already wet clothes.

The vivid, unearthly feeling slowly began to invade his mind again, that dreaded memory of her last breath, of the faint flicker of life leaving her eyes.  He had cried out to God, clutching her body to himself in a hug that was protected, yet completely useless.  She had crumpled in his arms like a leaf in the fall; her form was no more than a skeleton.

Jace opened his eyes and stared up at the clouds.  In his mind they looked red, just like they had looked on the canvas when he had first seen Illyanna.

In his heart, Jace knew that when she had died, whatever type of disease it was that had torn her apart had passed to him.  But he did not regret those last few moments at her side.  He knew that she was eternally free and if he could know her suffering for a little while before joining her, that would be enough.

His eyes slid closed again at this thought...

It would soon be over...

Soon...

Comments

An excellent job, ladyhwin. I was considering whether or not to ignore the word count and pick your story anyway, but in the end I decided against it, because I don't really know how your story would look if you really did edit it down to the limit and how WoN's story would look if he was allowed to expand it. They both had a similar feel and even a similar topic and for all I know yours may have dug deeper for the sole reason that it was longer.
Despite my decision, I'm partially glad that you decided to post it as is, because it would be a shame to miss out on any of those vivid images and clever connections between memories and the present. I think you accomplished the perfect pace to capture the atmosphere of the story. Bravo.

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Thank you very much Spots!  I'm really busy right now and probably couldn't have kept up with the torch right now anyways... :)  
This was one of the stories I cannot claim to have written... if anyone remembers probably about six-eight months ago, I wrote a story about Illyanna's death...
Anyways, thank you for your comments!  Much appreciated...

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This is fantastic, lady! I love the descriptions and the real emotion that is here. I wholeheartedly agree with Spots, the imagery and pacing was perfect. Wow.