use this opening sentence :)

Question

ok so this is my first time at setting a challenge, so i thought i would give you the sentence i used in my first piece of creative writing which i wrote for some coursework and got me an 'A', i would like to see how you can put a story around it, for me i used it as an opening chapter to a high school vampire novel.

the sentence is: - 4pm. School had just ended. I was in the locker room with my best friend, Thom.

Answer 1

4pm. School had just ended. I was in the locker room with my best friend, Thom.   I asked what he was doing there at this time of day.

"I came to say goodbye to you.  I also need to clear out my locker.  I don't want anyone going through my jock straps and dirty track shorts."

"Is your family moving again?  What's up?"  I asked.

"No.  I just want to run away.  Maybe California or Chigago.  I need to get away from my dead beat family.  There's a whole world out there and I'm gonna at least experience some of it.  I'm leaving."

"Why so sudden, Thom?"

"Because I'm leaving, Jack.  I'd like you to come with me, but I'll understand if you don't."

"OK, Thom.  I'll go with you until you can clear your mind and come home.  Just let me call my mom."

"No phonecalls!"  Thom yelled as he pulled out his gun.  "Your car is my ticket out of here.  I just killed my parents and Joey.  Grab your keys.  You're driving."

From Columbus, Ohio to Denver, Thom just seemed like a normal guy who slept a lot - only he never let go of that gun that laid across his chest.  In Denver I had to wake him up to see if he wanted to go North to Seattle,  West to San Francisco, or South to Albequerque and maybe L.A.

By this time, he was totally incoherent.  He couldn't remember why he had a gun, so he threw it out the window and went back to sleep.  My drugs had worked well on him.  I turned around and went back to Columbus.

It was all over the news.  "Family murdered.  Teenage son wanted for questioning. "  When they yanked him out of my car, I told them to take it easy on my best friend.

Comments

yikes! cool! liked it!

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cool use of the sentence i like it

Answer 2

4pm. School had just ended. I was in the locker room with my best friend, Thom. We'd been buddies since we were in diapers. Actually, since he was in diapers, given that I was 3 years older than him.
I had waited patiently at the door for all the other boys to leave, before I came in, wrinkling my nose as soon as I stepped through the doorway. I will never get used to the smell of the boys' locker room.
I placed my backpack on the bench and sat next to Thom. His lips were pressed together as he looked down at his hands. A crumpled piece of paper was wedged between his fingers.
I didn't say anything, waiting for him to speak first. It took him a while, giving me time to study his expression. The message he sent me only said to meet him after school, so I had no idea what was going on. He looked... hmm, it seemed like he wanted to crush the piece of paper into a teeny-tiny ball and throw it as far as the eye could see, but then changed his mind and wanted to keep it forever like a treasured relic.
By the time he finally opened his hand to give me the note, I had already assumed what was wrong. The clumsy letters on the torn out piece of notebook paper confirmed my suspicions. Lorna had broken up with him.
"Oh, Thom," I said as I hugged him. They had been together for almost a year. He saw the world in her. I tried to warn him that she might not feel the same way, because I could see that she was only using him. But, they had lasted so long that I hoped I was wrong. I should have stuck with my insincts. Anger washed over me and I pulled away. He looked at me with only a tiny bit of curiosity, which quickly melted down and left only emptiness.
 "What now?" he asked and turned his head to stare at the empty space in front of him. For now, I put my anger aside and placed my arm over his shoulders. I thought a moment about my reply and finally said "Now, we go home."
Without a word he got up and headed for the door. To anyone watching, it wouldn't look like much, but I knew he made the first step forward. I smiled.

Comments

Very good and challenging, Spots.  I'm gonna try to out-do that one.

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Haha, I'd say you already did that.

Answer 3

Not much competition, huh?  Let me think of a new sentence.

Without even thinking, the professor angrily stomped out his cigarette and walked slowly toward the student dormitary.

Comments

no not really giraffe

Answer 4

Let's keep this one going.  I'll have another entry soon.  I like the theme.