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Between the Lines

3 votes

This is a challenge in trying to write deeper meeaning into a short story. many of the Tv shows and movies we watch today have stories inside of stories. Try to write about an event that has a story going on in the background. Never focus directly on the story but attempt to give enough information so that the reader can follow it. 

I really want to write something like this into a longer work and im having trouble so I want to see how some of you who have been writing longer would achieve this I got the idea from an episode of the NBC show community in which an entire episode happens in the background of each scene heres a link to watch what im talking about, focus on the background

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tP0ubODOUQ

Word limit=300 None

Story can be about anything as long as there are two with one hidden between the lines. If you're confused please ask It's hard to make this clear

set Jul 10, 2011 by leodregden (197 points)
edited Jul 11, 2011 by leodregden
This is tough, leodregden. I have no idea how to do this, or where to start! This will take some thinking, that's for sure...
I'm intrigued. This does sound like a tough one, but it's quite a good challenge idea. There haven't been many challenges that are... well, challenging.
Ok, You do understand though?...
Yes, I do. And I have an idea how to do it, I'm just having trouble making up the two plots.
Yeah I understand the concept. I just really have no idea how to accomplish this! haha - I think I'll wait to see how some others do it first!

3 Responses

3 votes
 
Best response

                                                  House Fire and Brimstone

   Mrs. Martha sat on the last pew as she always did, concealed from the eyes of the toe-stomping preacher who was well aware of her habits. As he wandered around the pulpit during the sermon, she would lean a little to either side in order to avoid him. It was very convenient that she sat behind Charlotte Honeycutt, the lady whose beehive hairdon't had somehow lasted not just through the sixties, but all the way to the early eighties. It provided a perfect shield between the preacher's prying eyes and those of Mrs. Martha.

   Martha was hidden from the preacher's eyes; however, she was neither hidden from the words he spoke nor from the feelings in her heart. She tried hard to divert her attention elsewhere so she thought of the situation she had left at home- the roast that had added a divine fragrance to the house was sure to be done very soon.

   After a few brief thoughts of the roast, things began to intensify. The preacher's voice elevated as did the fervor with which his words were delivered.

   Martha began to take his words to heart and a flame was kindled. Smoke began to appear and Martha’s friends and neighbors who were nearby noticed. Before long the fire that had been kindled began to spread. Martha, who had only gone to church to dispute the reputation she had earned, was feeling the real reason others attended. Her heart began to pound and she knew it was God asking her to change her ways.

   Martha knew something needed to be done, but she did not know what it was. The preacher invited her to the altar to pray and she walked down intent on putting the fire out.

   As she stepped forward, she heard the siren of a fire engine headed in the direction of her house. She thought about the irony of the situation. She was on fire and in need of something to put the fire out, and there was a fire engine screaming past presumably to put out a fire.

   She knelt reverently at the altar and began to pray for the fire to be quenched. Relief rained down and extinguished her fire. The preacher stood over her and promised her that she had everything she needed to get back on her feet. He told her that her earthly home was no longer anything to look joyfully upon, but that she had a new home coming her way and that the price had already been paid for it.

   Martha left the church a changed lady. She had a whole new outlook on life. She had joy, peace, and assurance that God would provide her a new home just like the pastor said.

   She was starving as she drove into her driveway, but she had this terrible feeling her roast had burned and that lunch would have to come from elsewhere. As always, she had no idea where she would lay her head that night, but she knew without a doubt that everything was going to be alright and sleep would come easy. In one way, she had lost so much. In yet another, she had gained all she’d ever need.

 

answered Jul 21, 2011 by 7dutch7 (174 points)
edited Jul 23, 2011 by 7dutch7
Very interesting story! First, I have to get out of the way the one grammatical error I noticed. In the very first sentence, there should not be a comma after Mrs. Martha.

I like this because not only is there a story within a story - but those stories intertwine perfectly. One is very symbolic of the other. And I see a third story in this too, and that's the question of what her "reputation" was. This is simple yet intricate, and a very enjoyable read.
Wow, that was it! You hit the nail on the head the hidden story behind the "on screen" story this was very intricate and powerful. I really like this. My favorite stories are the ones that that make me want more and right now I want to know all of Marthas story. Also I love the title
First of all, I removed the comma and wondered why I put it there in the first place. I finally remembered that I had changed the opening sentence and removed something that necessitated the comma. Thanks for pointing it out.
  Mrs. Marthas reputation was alluded to in the last paragraph where it says, "As always, she had no idea where she would lay her head that night." She was known for sleeping around. Perhaps I was a little too subtle with that.
  Finally, I would like to thank you guys for the compliments. This was a great challenge!
That was awesome! xP
Nicely done! I hope to get time to read all replies later today, as well. Have a good one.
Wow. That. Was. Perfect.
I have to say, well done! When I read the challenge I genuinely thought it would be pretty much impossible and you've just proved me completely wrong.  Congrats :)
0 votes

The Beach

There is a joy to walking along the seashore. You can wander along just living for the moment or, if you like, use the peace and tranquillity for a deeper personal mediation.  In the summer just to experience the feel of the sand beneath your feet, feel the gentle lapping of the wavelets on the beach and the sun on your skin is exoteric. A winter’s storm is very different, with the thunder of breaking waves on the shingle, the wind howling around you and the cold air stinging your face and hands. Yet it is the same place, only different. The world, our world, your world, is in the air above yet balanced on the earth beneath us. We can dip our toes in the sea, even swim in it briefly, but it is not our world.

The beach was deserted as usual and the ebbing tide was leaving a platform of soft yellow sand. Shoes and socks off I can feel that I am in contact with the world. Each tiny grain is itself a product of the time, wave and tide. Each is the broken remnant of a larger predecessor. The sand can be a tiny shell recently deserted, now broken into smaller parts or a fossil monster tens of millions of years old, now equally diminutive in a host of tiny fragments. Each gently touches my feet as I walk along, oblivious to the history below me as I focus on the delight of the sand itself. The beach is soft, warm and reassuring in the tranquillity of the place. Nothing matters in the wonder of the moment.

The warm sun kisses my skin and I revel in the joy of this summer’s day. Even the shallow water, where I am paddling, is a warm sensual delight. The cooling soft salt water over the firm grainy sand below, lapped by miniscule wavelets, is am almost passionate event. The sensation as the ripples gently flow past and then return, flowing away again around my toes is exquisite. It is that moment of perfect awareness. Yet I am on the boundary of three worlds (or more), where the earth below and air above meet the water that exists both over and under and between them. For today it is just a pleasing warmth that caresses my feet and toes as I walk in the dry sunlight. A world of delight and wonder, known and sensed, yet totally unknown and uncomprehended.

answered Jul 12, 2011 by Saxon (596 points)
edited Jul 12, 2011 by Saxon
well first of all thats really good! It's not quite what I was looking for but im starting to think thats impossible. I like the other worlds in the background and the subtlety was there, but im trying to see if its possible for an entire event or story that is hidden behind the scenes that you can still follow. Again not so sure its possible, and again this was really good
Saxon, I have always said you have an amazing talent for imagery, and this proves it yet again. I felt like I was there when I was reading this. In regards to the challenge, I understand what leo is saying - the other worlds in the background and the subtlety were both there - but my only critique is that this is a literary picture but not a story. You created amazing depth in your picture, showing the unseen intricacies of the beach, but for the challenge there needs to be a plot in order for there to be a plot within the plot. I think. I'm still not sure I got the challenge right. And maybe I missed the plot in this - but what I see is less a story with a plot and more a beautifully written snapshot of a single moment within a story.
Agree completely with midnight, saxon you did great
Thanks for the comments. I know it was a bit wide of the mark, but I had struggled to get to a better interpretation; and as no one else had responded when I did it, thought I should give it a go anyway. Just glad you enjoyed it!
1 vote
She sits down on the bench next to him, her hands folded in her lap, her eyes focused on her intertwined fingers.

“I heard you got the promotion.” She lifts her eyes to glance sideways at him, a smile on her lips. He grins in return.

“I worked so hard for it. I’m finally getting recognized for the effort I’ve put into the company!” His eyes travel to the horizon, his broad grin shining brighter than the sun. Her eyes drop back to her hands before returning her gaze at his cheerful face.

“That’s amazing. Congratulations! You deserve it!” She crosses her legs, turning slightly towards him, the smile still planted on her pink lips. His gaze remains locked in the distance, almost as though he sees his future there.

“I really do.” He turns his face towards her. “I really feel like I’ve earned this.” His face turns again towards the horizon. “This is going to change my life.”

She looks back at her folded hands, her body still turned in his direction. A pause. Her eyes lift back to his face, examining his profile with a penetrating gaze. The smile falters only for a moment.

“So, when do you leave?” He doesn’t turn. He stares at the sunset with the same excited expression.

“Friday. My office is all ready for me, I just have to get my belongings packed then I’m on a plane.” He turns his face to grin at her again. Her eyes lock with his. Her smile breaks for a split second.

“Well, you’ll sure be missed around here. The office won’t be quite the same without you.” She tears her gaze away from his, looking at her hands again. He looks at his watch.

“I’ve got to get to a meeting – last minute preparations and everything. It was really great talking to you. Take care!” He gets up to leave. She rises almost in unison. She looks at her feet. A pause. She smiles up at him.

“You, too. And congratulations again!” He walks away. She sits back down, staring at his back as he walks away. She looks at her folded hands.
answered Jul 22, 2011 by midnightpoet (579 points)
I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for. Maybe it's too subtle. Maybe it's too obvious. I've never used subtext before. I'm not even sure I did here. I tried.
I got the feeling that something wasn't being told to me and it was a good story, but it was too subtle to be another narrative in the background it could use some fleshing out.
Too be honest, I wanted it to be subtle. I didn't want to tell two stories, but wanted to use subtext to tell the second story. I wasn't entirely sure what you were looking for, and I could flesh this out more so the second story is more obvious...but I think it would lose some of the feel. Although, honestly, a friend of mine (sometimes known as my muse) read this for me and he said he couldn't tell what the second story was either. Subtext is hard!
I know I really just wanted to see if this could be done and yall have given me some good ideas I will leave this chalenge undecided for a few more weeks now that there is some idea of a goal.
I will try to flesh this out better to make it fit the challenge now that I understand a little more. To be honest, this isn't exactly two stories, but it's a story of a conversation and what is not being said. Look at the dialog as the main story - two people talking about a promotion one of them got - and the non-dialog part as the second story. She is in love with him, has been for a long time, and he has no idea.
I think I got the second story right away. But maybe because I just got out of high school and there's so much of this love drama there? haha, I don't know. I really liked reading this though.
I think it was the right amount of subtle. Like Won said, I got the second story right away (even before the first one) and I really enjoyed reading it. I get why it's not what Leo was looking for, but I think it's a pretty good method to use, even if you do want a more prominent second plot.
I feel super dumb, but thats probably because the story is a little about oblivious people like me i just got it, It is really good but not exactly what i was looking for.