challenge L I I I

Question

Okay everyone, here are my list of key words, I like the 250 word limit(or under)
I think I threw in a wrench (so to speak).A few words, so have fun...  :D

cigarette/cigar
jacuzzi
news paper
calender
appropriate
lightning
sky
mobile phone
addict
panic

Comments

Doug , can't wait to read your poemesque diatribe.

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You'll be sorry you said that now that its "posted". tee-hee!

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Ladyhwin , this challenge will end on Aug30,2010. I will pass the torch the next day.

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This challenge will end on Aug, 30. Thank you every one for participating , sorry I have not been on top of things. I was registering for classes ( which I haven't been in ages.)  Also BEWARE ,  my computer caught a virus. FROM FACEBOOK (TROJAN).  They had to keep my computer, on the up side. I got a cute little "miniHP"  for my b-day.

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bhughes:  Is there anybody out there?

Answer 1

Don't panic. Do not panic.

I repeated that mantra over and over to myself, but to no avail. Like an addict who realizes he's just had his last fix and doesn't know where's he's going to get his next, I was panicking.

With shaking hands I lit a cigarette. Taking a deep drag, I tried to slow my breathing. My vision was blurred with tears.

I wiped my eyes and forced myself to focus. The calendar hung on the wall in front of me. Rows of Xs covered the first two weeks of the month, and the day after tomorrow was circled in bright red marker.

My vision blurred again as I looked at the newspaper. Trying not to think about it. Trying to remember the happiness I felt that night in the jacuzzi when he gave me the ring.

My mobile phone sat next to my hand, and I tried to tell myself that no news was good news. The paper said there were survivors from the crash. Surely, if he was among the dead, someone would have called.

Then the knock came. My trembling legs carried me across the room, and I opened the door to see two stone-faced men in military uniforms, like the one he wore the last time I saw him.

How appropriate that he made me feel lightning every time he touched me, and it was lightning in the sky that took him away from me.

Comments

Very touching midnight.  Glad to see you back!

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Hey midnight. Sorry to be away but it's summer ya know?

Nice pice btw.

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That says it all, Midnight.

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MIDNIGHT POET, THE TORCH HAS BEEN PASSED TO YOU.  THIS STORY LEFT ME WITH VARIOUS EMOTIONS. THANK YOU.

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Give us a good one, Midnight.  Still doing theatah?

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not really...I moved and haven't found any community theatre in my new town, but I'm still looking.

Answer 2

250 words...no title

  Jack get me that damn phone!  Not the mobile phone, but the regular Ma Bell variety.  Jack scampered away hurrying to meet her demands.  Angelica eased her way out of the Jacuzzi dripping wet with a cigarillo hanging out of her lip at a pretentious angle.  She didn’t have a towel and the folds of her aging skin looked like crumpled up newspaper.  She didn’t worry about what was appropriate, just what she wanted…and that was a DAMN PHONE NOW!  

Jack reappeared with a phone that had a cord hundreds of feet long.  He was used to stringing it around the old woman’s home without destroying all the expensive artwork she decorated with.  Jack pulled out his palm pilot which was nothing more than an expensive useless calendar to Angelica and found the number she needed.  As she shushed him away Jack could see the sky turning dark through the skylight in the ceiling of the entire living room.  Streaks of fiery lightning sent spectacular reflections off of the glass.

Angelica sat, dialed the phone and picked up the newspaper perusing the finance section.   HELLO!!...BRENT!!!  Get your ass over to my house you useless addict.  Jack could only imagine the panic in Brent’s voice as he listened to her demands.  He had lived through it for many years.

Only one thing stood between peace and the mania that he endured.  He took that phone cord and wrapped the entire length slowly and tightly around her neck until the noise ceased.

Comments

bhughes:  Very interesting wordlist.  I think it will illicit a wide variety of responses.  I"m sure I"m not done yet!

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no. 2 no title by Doug... M for murder, the lead up to her strangulation was smooth. I suppose Angelica was put on hold permanently.   Great usage of key words.(all wrds, limit fine)

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This one kept me laughing.  Good, subtle humor.

Answer 3

SHIELA

She was always a few minutes late since she had 2 kids to make arrangements for.  She would rush like lightning into the club and go directly to the storage/dressing room.  'It wouldn't be appropriate for them to see me here.'  she thought as she changed into her bathing suit with ruffles on the bottom.

Then glancing in the mirror, she would check her make up and hair.  At last she'd check to make sure she had her mobile phone just in case Rob called.  He never did.  Then she would strap on her tray and enter the room graciously lilting "Cigars? Cigarettes? Tipperillos?"  Out shopping for tobacco adicts as usual.

She had a good night.  Three fat guys tipped her very well.  So she got home feeling positive.  She paid and thanked the babysitter then went up to the kids' room.  They were still awake.

"Did Daddy call?"  Jeremy said.

"Yes and he wanted me to tell you to be sure and eat all your vegetables so you'll be big and stong when he comes home."

Jenifer was crying.

"I want you kids to go to sleep now.  Daddy says he will take us on a vacation to a place with lots of Jacuzzis and playgrounds and skylights, so be good.  I'm going to read the newspaper."

Walking down the hall in a near panic, she whispered "That fucking asshole.  I'm writing this one on the calendar."  And she did.
— 11 minutes ago by giraffe (98 points)

Comments

no.1 SHEILA by Giraffe... A very good story about a working mom and the white lies she must tell for her child's benefit.... great descriptions , great details. (all words included, fine on 250 limit.

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Any suggestions on use of profanity?   Personally, I try my best not to use it, but there are times in story telling that "golly gee" or "Heavens to Betsy" don't depict the way people actually think.

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giraffe:  Not real big on profanity usage myself unless it is a must, but I would rarely find the occassion where it would need to be used.  I don't think she "had to w-h-i-s-p-e-r "That fucking asshole".  It wasn't as if we were going to be confused who she was talking about so the use of "that" could have been edited.  A simple whispered "ass" would have sufficed and got rid of the f-bomb which I don't believe was "absolutely" needed.  Maybe if she was "thinking to herself" as she was walking to the calender she most definately would have used that language, but with two kids even whispering can often be heard.  Just my view.  Great story though.  Enjoyed the the visuably descriptive nature.

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I thought about it, Doug.  If I had said "She cursed his existence as she walked down the hall", that would have a totally different effect.  It's a slippery slope.  When someone calls someone a f+++ing a++hole it has nothing to do with sex or rectums.  They are only explatives to express anger.  One could call someone a 'dirty sex act with sphincters involved' and that would be worse.  PC but gross.  Thanks for your comment.

Answer 4

I think this is 250 exactly.  No title.  I'm too good for titles.  :)

Beth’s ex was on the front page.  She placed her ashtray on top of the newspaper article, but she could still see his smiling expression through the translucent crystal.  It actually gave her a sense of childish fulfillment to crush her cigarette out on his face.  She lit another while she waited for her dating profile to load and cursed her ISP for their “lightning” fast connection.  

Something that had began as a last resort had quickly become an addiction.  She could usually count on an inbox full of interested suitors.  Sure they were mostly unattractive.  Or underage.  Or uneducated as evidenced by the lack of appropriate spelling and punctuation.  But it was still a much needed boost to her ego, though she had yet to mark down a single date in her calendar.  

Inbox (3)

Bummer.  But nothing to panic over.  Just a slow night.

The first message read, “334-9665.”  Introduction by mobile phone number.  Presumptuous douche.  Delete.

The next was an invitation involving a Jacuzzi.  A starlit sky.  Sade.  And a bottle of wine.  Speculation:  he lives with his mother who is out of town.  Delete.

So much for her ego.  She reluctantly opened the last message.  

“Hello.  Quick question.  What’s the point of online dating if you never reply to your messages?  I thought your profile was brilliant until I noticed the negative feedback.  Is it a narcissistic disorder?  Or are you simply in need of validation?  Sincerely, Mark.”

Beth was shocked.  And insulted.  And intrigued...  

Reply.

Comments

Good one, Inky.  She's not interested in over-confidence or quick romance, but a good insulting challenge intrigues her.

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Good one!  I thought the crushing of the cigarette in his face thru the glass ashtray was brilliant!

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no. 3 no title by Inked Gemini... Such a great narration of the present day.
Good job Inked. (Inky :D)

Answer 5

sorry bhughes as this is wayyy over the word list at 400+, but I couldn't help myself and heck we do tend to bend some rules in ThinkWrite.

  Setting:  A wood lined plateau 100 acres long.
Purpose:  Classroom

The cigar chomping General Despot ripped his newspaper in half and flung it to the ground.  More bad news from the front., “Jesus H. Christ!” the general screamed.

Forty panicked kids all of 18 or 19 years old stood shaking at every utterance from the “man himself”.  They couldn’t understand why the top General in the United States Army was teaching them a class.  He called it a “kick in the ass” life lesson.

The sky above them was a hazy shade of phosphorescent green which seemed strange enough.  There were no lights and it was near dark.  But the “old man” didn’t need light or a microphone to be heard.  Every ear on the field was at attention; every groin was a bit moist from the significance of it all.  He held a very large old-style mobile phone which was tethered to a communications box with a hodge-podge of wires attached.  He waited for the appropriate signal from whomever he was yakking to in the phone and let off a barrage of gunfire straight over their heads.  Every “student” hit the deck with dirt flying up into their faces and tangles of weeds and grass infiltrating their noses.

The general stared out at the pathetic bunch in front of him and ordered them to STAND UP YOU DIAPER DERBY CHAMPIONS!  All the “men” got up and faced the general who was only now ready to give his lecture.

I’ve brought you to a special place.  You are about to embark on a grand journey.  No Jacuzzis or lollipops.  You won’t need a calendar because you won’t care what day it is.  Some of you will become addicts.  But not the type of addicts your mama tried to keep you away from but addicts of death.  In my arms I hold your drug.  With a lightning rod of fire from this weapon you will kill or be killed.  You are standing on the appropriate spot for this lesson.  Many years ago your great granpappies died on this very spot fighting a different war.  Back then we were fighting ourselves.  When you go into battle this time it will be with purpose.  Not to kill your brothers and uncles, but to kill a legion of terrorists who want to kill our country.

The general stomped off into the darkened line of woods and disappeared.  The young men stood frozen to the ground surrounded by silence.

Comments

I missed this one.  Very poignant.  You could have substituted Vietnam.

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Thanks giraffe.  I think you could substitute any war.

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This story is great!!! I agree with giraffe, very poignant.  Would have been on top if not for the word limit.

Answer 6

Phone call

Panic struck Jenine when she couldn't find her mobile phone. She was now begining to search in odd places like the clothes hamper, top of the refrigerator (you know, the small empty space just under the top row of cupborads), the recliner next to the jacuzzi…
"God, you're such an addict!" her younger brother Jack said, from his chair where he was sketching a rather good representation of Lightning, the not-so-bad-looking character from Final Fantasy X or XX, or whatever the right number was. She really didn't care much about that stuff, but her brother seemed to be into it. She kept lifting pillows, newspapers, even looking inside dad's cigarette box.
"Can't you live without that thing for a few minutes? I'm sure by then someone's gonna call you and then you'll know where it is."
The phone must have deemed that as an appropriate time to ring, because that's exactly what it did. Like a prarie dog, Jenine straightened up and turned her head everywhich way, trying to pinpoint the origin of the melody, "Calendar Girl" by Stars.
"Jenine, your phone is ringing!" the voice from upstairs yelled. She hurried up, skipping the usual eyeroll she gave to her mother's statements, because she really needed her phone. It was waiting for her at the top of the stairs, in her mother's hand and she grabbed it quickly before it stopped ringing. "Sky!" she said, with a blessed smile, after pressing the answer button. Mom just shook her head.

Comments

Just barely squeezed it under 250.
Also, I hope when you wrote "calender" on the list, you meant "calendar", or we'll all have to make some big changes to our stories. ;)

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Just think of how much cheaper it would be to remove the live talking from cell phones.  You either text or tweet or Facebook, but talking would be unnecessary.  I actually saw two guys having dinner in a Missouri bar after work.  They were eating, drinking and texting each other on adjacent barstools.

Talking is so unnecessary.

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Er... Sarcasm, I presume?

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Kids these days don't know what it's like to actually talk to a human being.  I use my cell phone for 1. If I get lost hunting in the woods. 2. as a watch  3. As an alarm. 4.  To talk to my wife and kids when I'm at work.  Texting, tweeting are for twits!

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Spots:  Nice story and welcome!

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Heh, I also use my phone for reading and writing stories, but other than that I agree with you, doug. And thanks for the welcome.

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So close to the torch. love this story Spots, It is the time of mobile (on the go).  Convenience may come at a cost.  THE COST OF HUMAN INTERACTION.

Answer 7

Oh dear bhughes please indulge this total indiscretion of the rules of ThinkWrite  once again.  I know it's amateur at best, but here's my attempt at poetry.  I think I got all the words in though it is well over 400 words.

  Looney Tunes

Mobile phone sounding off in a cow pasture,
the farmer takes a nap atop his Deere
there’s only one thing faster
but it’s not appropriate to speak of here.

Little Mary quite the fairy
Turns the tide on Auntie Harry
He once was titan, but is no more
His loins chopped off , so scary.

Mabel led a modest life,
Cigars lit upon her lip like lice
Swirls of smoke and stench arise
from the oddest soul wracked with strife.

Mary had a little dog
its name to Harry was Uncle Frog
the times turned hard and Mary starved
A soup would sate Mary and Harry, not the dog.

Quickness comes from the fleet of foot
The robber did run with his cache of loot
The man in blue gave chase and tripped
His ass did skid upon the ground and ripped.

Charlie Brown had a wicked sister
they often played the game of Twister
until the day when Snoopy called
And Lucy ran for the pigskin ball.

Arnold slept with his wife and pig
Eve made Adam where a leaf of fig
God decided that things must change
And made it a sin to sleep with the same

But Auntie Harry broke the laws each day,
He slept with Mary and the dog until May
And that robber who stole the loot from the mutes
Was Charlie Brown who already wore an orange striped suit.

Marked on calendars near and far
Wimpie found his coin filled jar
To the burger stand he flew
Knowing a burger would make his tummy new.

Cigarette Sam from Yosemite Park
Traveled the terrain on an aardvark
That silly old rabbit had to be near
He looked up in the sky and gave a grand cheer

Mr. Bunny was floating on clouds high above
Not a sure shot, but one he would love
You silly old rabbit I’m taking my mark
Soon you’ll be stew in my Jacuzzi at the park

Toothache Tilly caught being silly
Lifting her dress in a panic
Twas a bee in her bonnet
And a stinger upon it
Poor Tilly cried out as the lightning bolt of pain
Caused Tilly to show no more shame

Along came the wolf with notions to engulf
Grandma and the hooded wench too
Red Hood was an addict
Who often were newspaper facets?
But the wolf even ate her shoe

Tis appropriate to depart
From this silly poem dear heart
I have mangled and maimed them all
If you find it to be
As funny as pee
Let me know cause I’m gonna tee-hee.

Comments

Sounds like you're trying to flush out the circuits.  Problem is you left out the 3 little pigs.  Do you realize what that says about you?!!

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No giraffe I just couldn't write any more.  There is a word limit ya know. :)

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OMG Doug . Love it but you know. too long

Answer 8

Ok, so here's a last day submission.  It is exactly 250 words that took a lot of editing to get to.  Sometimes I just get too wordy darn it

  We were in the Jacuzzi enjoying a cigar when “the” conversation took place.  I’m not positive but it might have been the Jack and coke that made it all come out.  Tom had been distressed about his wife being very ill.  They found that she had cancer two years ago.  Treatments seemed to work for awhile, but now the cancer had spread throughout her body and she was in horrible pain.  She couldn’t even focus enough to read the Star News our local newspaper.  

“Harry, you know how much I love Rachel.  She has been my whole life since high school.  We even have the same ring-tones on our mobile phones, we dress in matching colors for any event we attend and I get into a panic any time I am away from her for too long.”

Tom you have been a faithful and devoted husband. Lightning and thunder follow you two around.  I’ve seen you standing hand-in-hand on your deck looking up at the sky in awe and I can feel the love you share.

“I’m afraid Rachel is becoming an addict to the pain meds she’s on. There is only so much suffering she can tolerate and I can’t stand to see her this way any more no matter how much I love her.   So here is the proposition. When the calendar shows the next full moon I’ll take Rachel out onto the deck.  I want you to take this pistol and put her out of her misery.”

Comments

Doug this is a good story, and it is the runner up. Thank you .

Answer 9

“My Name Is Earl” by Ron

Every newspaper in the country was in a panic over the cigar. What to print? What was “appropriate” in this case?

Earl was an old school newsman. He owned The Detroit Free Press and The Miami Herald and was trying to find a way to push the old lady out and gain control of The Washington Post as well.

Earl sat in his Jacuzzi.

Earl had two babes by his side.

Earl was a news addict.

Earl was a Republican.

Lightning flashed in the sky overhead. The girls twittered nervously.

Earl looked at his calendar and noted the shareholders meeting for The Washington Post Companies.

Earl picked up his mobile phone. He called his editor in Detroit.

“Run it.”

Comments

The Jacuzzi media.  I love it.

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Very nice anotherronism, thank you.

Answer 10

OKAY EVERYONE. THANK YOU  FOR THE AWESOME STORIES.  THE TORCH HAS BEEN PASSED TO MIDNIGHT POET. IF UNABLE TO ... THE RUNNER UP IS DOUG. AGAIN THANKS , CANT WAIT TO SEE WHATS UP NEXT!!!

Comments

thank you, b. I accept the torch, and will try to get something up tomorrow. I'm travelling again, but I have a laptop now so it's much easier. :-)