ThinkWrite LXXI

Question

I believe it's been a while since we had a horror challenge. And since it's Friday the 13th, I think it's only appropriate. Use any form of the following words:
- wind
- slow
- mind
- dance
- sugar
- cold
- hand
- dress
- play
- two
and write a horror story containing 200-300 words. Challenge closes in 2 weeks on the 27th.

Have fun!

Comments

I like the words and might be able to write a creepy story... maybe... :)  Good job Spots!

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Hey folks!  I'm still around...just super busy atm.  I'll get back to writing as soon as I can.  Miss you all...

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Good to see you, doug. And good to hear you're busy. Don't worry about us, we'll wait. (Especially me who am never around anyway, haha.)

Answer 1

The wind whistles through the trees as it makes it's way across the night. My dress sways as it catches the breeze, pinning itself to my shivering legs. My hands wrap around the cold bars of the gate before me, icicles glittering off the wrought iron like sugar crystals in the moonlight. Before me, the windows of the mansion are all black save for two, where buttery light pours out from the rooms inside. A shadow plays across the inner wall of one of the lit rooms, a sillouette of a woman backing away slowly from some unseen thing. A crease forms in my forehead as my mind tries to piece together what was happening behind those walls.  Another shadow creeps along the wall, a glitter shining from the steel in his hand. A scream cuts the air followed by sobbed pleas, carried to my ears on the wind. The glint raises and a final scream rings out, as the steel comes down and sprays red across the window. The bodies move quickly now, as if in some sort of gorey dance in the spotlight of the window. My hands grip tighter on the iron now, the skin numb from the ice. Finally, silence. The air goes still, and only one figure remains. It's shoulders heave and I can only imagine the smell being drawn into those lungs. Metallic and violent. I back away slowly from the gate, my body shivering in the cold. Bunching my hands in the skirt of my dress, I turn and walk quickly away from that horrible mansion, trying to push the sights out of my mind forever, only to be remembered decades later as a guilt on my death bed as I wait for the end.

Comments

Scary and mysterious. I like it! That's all I have to say.

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I tried to write the classical horror, but from the perspective of an onlooker. Did it work?

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It was truly a tough choice, but I chose yours because of the suspense you managed to create in the story. I pass on the torch to you. Have fun with it. :)

On a side note, I was sure I responded to your comment before. I guess I must have imagined it. In short, yes it did work. And it was quite a clever idea.

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Wow, thank you. It means alot to me to be picked best response. :) I'll have to think of something good for this to be passed on... Hmm... Keep your eyes peeled :)

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Hmm... I haven't seen a new TW challenge put up... anyone else...? :)

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I think the run away heart has run away! LOL

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Sorry I had some things come up. Going to make one now!

Answer 2

It was a very, very dark morning. The sky was gray with dark clouds. The wind was blowing lightly. I shivered. The fire in the  fireplace was getting weak. I looked outside the window. I saw the leafless trees swaying and heared dry leaves rustle. Someone was walking. I looked out. No one was there. I looked at Charlie. His silver-gray fur shone in the dim light. He was sleeping soundly. After a minute or so, he woke up with a fright. His ears were up and staring at the door. "Charlie, what is it?" I asked him, with my mind racing. The door opened slowly. I saw a pale hand for a second, and then it was gone.  I began to have goosebumps. The wind danced inside the room like it was making a play with my dress.  Then, Charlie went barking. "Stop it, Charlie." I snapped at him. He began crying. Then suddenly, the two candles went out. Someone was whispering my name. "Christine," It said.

Comments

I'll separate this in two parts.
1. The story: It's good - mysterious, dark, interesting and I like the open ending. You're using both pictures and sounds to convey the mood, which I appreciate.
2. The style: I had some trouble with the short sentences. They really interrupted the flow of the story and in a few places you start two sentences in the same way unnecessarily (for example, you could have said "I saw the leafless trees swaying and heard the dry leaves rustle on the ground". I considered the possibility that you were using simpler sentences on purpose, but if that's the case, it didn't quite hit the spot with me. The middle of the story has a few complex sentences and I liked that part much more.
I think you have a lot of potential and I hope you'll take this critique as a friendly nudge in the right direction and keep writing. :)

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Spots, thank you for the comment! It's a little bit confusing, the first part(after I wrote this, I thought of it and got confused.). But don't worry, I edited it. :)

Answer 3

Two hands clawed free from the loose soil, then a face, streaked with dirt. The hands were raw, the nails broken to the quick. The mouth opened, gasped raggedly for life giving air. The eyes in the bruised face stared at the wind playing with the leaves under the half moon above. Slowly, the body crawled out to lie on the forest floor, exhausted. A young woman, with hair so matted with dirt and vegetation the color was hidden. She lay there, still, until dawn came and the forest birds began to greet the new day. Slowly her mind shook off the terror, the frantic digging to escape the shallow grave. How had she come here? She looked down at her dress. What had been a sugary party frock was now a sad remnant of blood and torn chiffon. The leaves twisting in the breeze brought her thoughts to the dance, two people holding close and twirling to the music. The arms around her had felt so warm, so safe and comforting. She had not hesitated when he suggested they leave the dance and go for a ride in his car. She had felt so deliciously alive. Pain racked her body as her heart twisted and turned cold in her chest, remembering. She was still alive. She vowed she would find him and put him in this very same grave.

Comments

Nice!

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Yours was a close second, lenore. Very well done.

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Thank you!

Answer 4

I know this doesn't classify as "horror" but I wanted to give the word list a try... this is 368 words long... enjoy it!

 

 

With a desperate sigh Illyanna released her hold on the cold iron bars, stepping back.  More than anything she hated to watch the ocean, the endless rolling of the waves, but what else had she to do?  There was nothing in this place but sand, great hills of sand that surrounded her tiny prison cell.  She loathed it.

A short distance away stood a tall dark figure, watching.  The gentle wind played with his long black hair and he scuffed one foot in the sand nervously.  The key in his hand seemed to grow heavier every moment, just as the decision weighed on his mind.  He had been promised these last few moments – he had only to unlock the door. But could he bear to see her end?

Illyanna did not see the figure in the darkness; she had lain down in the sand, trying to see a single star in the ever-clouded sky.  Her torn summer dress did little to protect her diseased body from the chilling breeze; she shook uncontrollably.

She could remember, in her tired confused mind, a night long ago.  She could recall the feel of his arms around her as they danced slowly on the beach, just the two of them alone.  She had been warm then, comfortable.

The memory returned, unbidden, of his bittersweet touch, his gentle farewell kiss and the image of him walking away, leaving her all alone to be subject to the evil that lurked within her.

Illyanna heard faintly the click of the lock and the squeak of hinges, but she turned her head away, not wishing to see.

“I have come, my love.”  The soothing scent of cane sugar wafted over her and she felt a warm hand on her cheek.

For a moment she wanted to believe it was more than a dream, more than just something she had wished into being.

“Speak to me Illyanna.  I must know...”

His quiet gentle voice echoed in her mind ominously and for a second, the words lay upon her lips, waiting only for her to say them.  But then she sighed deeply and gave in to her master, leaving her lover forever to meet his own fate alone.

Comments

So it's neither the right genre nor the right length? Haha, fair enough. But, all joking aside, I really enjoyed reading it. I'm just not sure that I got the entire story. Who is the man with the key? Is he her lover? Or is she imagining it's him? Or are we not supposed to know? I got a little confused there.

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Yep!  Sorry about that, but I really don't think I could write "horror" in the real sense of the word... but I liked the list and wanted to write... :)
It is supposed to be confusing... I had a hard time working with it... I might edit it somewhat yet.. maybe...
Oh well!  Glad you enjoyed it