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Dearly Departed

0 votes
By definition, an elegy is a mournful poem; lament for the dead.

There's a book I love, Elegy Beach by Stephen R. Boyett (sequel to a book called Ariel). This book first introduced me to the word elegy - I had to look up the definition. The entire novel reads like a mournful poem.

With the loss of two beloved members, I would like to have this challenge in their memory.

At the end of Elegy Beach, the surviving characters are standing on a beach around a bonfire.

"You were supposed to tell a story. Not about the person you had lost but a person someone else had lost. The story was for the people who remained behind."

There's the challenge - write an elegy (it doesn't have to be in poetry format) about a person someone else has lost.
set Apr 6, 2011 by midnightpoet (579 points)
I like the idea very much, midnight!  :)  You'll probably find me writing something for this one...
Likewise, but it may have to wait as I just don't feel like writing right now :(
Thank you, Midnight.  I felt it would be good to make a challenge offering us a chance to express our double loss, just didn't know quite how.  You have done it very well.

5 Responses

0 votes
They were in pain

so in vain

and wanted to get it over with

there was a myth

of a girl

who twirled

all day

then one day in may

she twirled into a block of hay

that horrible day

that deadly day

the girl died
answered Apr 7, 2011 by ross19 (142 points)
i dont think i did the rite thing b/ i dont no what an elegy is.
This poem has serious potential, Ross - and I'd say if it's not an elegy it's pretty close. I'd say work on the rhythm of it - that's kind of the "beat" of the poem as you read it out loud. This one is a bit off.

As far as not knowing what an elegy is, please read the challenge more carefully - I have defined the word there, and outlined what the challenge should be. If at any time you are unfamiliar with a word used, you should look it up. This is how our vocabularies grow!
ross, what I like best about your poem is the way it kind of breathes -- each line has a pause after it. and that makes it deeper into my feelings.
0 votes
I made something like this about my father after my mama died  -- (lost the original)

 

The old man sits beside the fireless woodstove, staring at his knees.

They buried his wife last week,  his wife of sixty years.

She was his life,  his body's home,  his sun of  love.

He's tough as hickory, and used to birth and death.  

It had to come, he thinks, and now it's over.  

Better she go first and not be left .

He knows it is a crossing, but how and where he does not know.

Part of him is at peace,  part as stunned as a poleaxed bull.

His mind, analytical as ever,  notices this.

He has a desert to walk,  a desert of days.   And nights .  .  

It will pass.  He feels her smile within his blinded heart.

He wonders what she'll be like when he sees her,

what part of us God keeps,  what stays with earth .  .
answered Apr 7, 2011 by annierosie (316 points)
edited Apr 8, 2011 by annierosie
Annie, this is beautiful and so fitting - thank you for this. Perfect for the challenge.
Thanks, midnight.  This week on thinkwrites has had a great affect on me.  Strange how this very light, almost abstract way of meeting  can bring such genuine feelings of knowing each other .
0 votes
.............
answered Apr 8, 2011 by annierosie (316 points)
edited Apr 8, 2011 by annierosie
where did it go? I read this a couple times as I came past the site - never having time to comment...the poem you had here was great...why did you remove it?
Sorry, midnight.   I just put that poem here to show ross19 what I meant by "breathing"  (which I liked about his own poem).  But it didn't seem right to have two of my poems on your challenge --  taking too much space for myself --  so I took it off after a couple of days.  I tried to erase the heading too but couldn't do it.  I can put it back if you want.
0 votes
There she stands, flag in hand

As the Chaplain walks away from her door

'Twas quite unplanned to lose her Dan

She drops in tears to the floor.

Her son cries and her heart dies

As sweet memories return

She dries her eyes and swells with pride

Holding the medals he earned.

The Bible reads in John 3:16

That He gave his only begotten Son

Now she has to live better so they can be together

When her race down here is run
answered Apr 14, 2011 by 7dutch7 (174 points)
beautiful flow and rhythm. wonderful poem. there is nothing about this I don't like
0 votes

"Ashleigh"

 

They met in October, both fifteen,

But he already knew that she was his queen.

They talked for hours every night,

Their love grew stronger with every fight.

 

The following June, she was feeling sick.

Doc said leukemia, it wasn’t a trick.

Sixteen years old and faced with death,

To get better, she needed to rest.

 

She went into remission before too long,

In happiness, singing her song.

They were more in love than ever.

She asked if he’d leave; he said never.

 

He took her to the hospital;

Stayed by her through the chemo.

Her immunities were very low –

In February it was time to go.

 

He was on his way to see his love;

She was on her way to heaven above.

He never got to say goodbye.

For years he’s just wanted to die.

 

He promised her he’d be strong,

But she’s been gone for so long.

Seventeen when she died;

She’d be twenty-one by his side.

 

He tries to move on, but can’t let her go.

There’s a part of him only she knows.

So he waits on earth to be called away –

Looking forward only to that day.

 

The rhythm is off, and some of the wording is awkward, I know, so if you have any suggestions, they're welcomed.

answered Apr 22, 2011 by midnightpoet (579 points)
This is a true story. My brother's girlfriend and first love passed away, less than 3 weeks after she turned 17 - The leukemia was in remission, but the chemo lowered her immune system so much that cold killed her. RIP Ashliegh 2/5/90 - 2/25/07
This is beautiful.   I am sure you can smooth the rough spots up one of these days.    It makes me think of a song my granddaughter played for me,  it was called I'll Follow You into the Dark (by Death Cab for Cutie).   Deep love makes us sure of things which no theologian could convince us of with mere logic.