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A 400 word love story

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Write a good old fashioned love story in 400 words. Lots of sentiment, lots of feeling and emotions, but keep it old fashioned. Good grammar, well structured and as close to the word count as you can get please. Closing date will be 8th April.

set Mar 25, 2011 by Saxon (664 points)
i wrote a story. i like this challenge!
can u make more like this one???
A love story?  I don't know if I know how to write one of those.  Well, I guess I must :)

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She knew better than anyone what it meant to be in love. They could blame her age since she was only 14, but she knew that when Ben was around her, her heart beat faster and harder. She was in love and it wasn't “puppy love.” Oh, how she hated that phrase. Why wasn't it possible for her to know real love? Just another put down adults did with everything else she brought up. If she talked about her future they'd nod their heads, grin, and tell her “That's nice,” which automatically meant, “You'll grow up and realize there's things you can't do.” Fine. Let them look at her as a kid and treat her like she was unfamiliar with any kind of adult reality. She'd show them exactly how mature she and Ben were and just how adult her love really was.

They'd decided about three months ago to do it. They'd run away and live together. They'd save their money for the next six months and be able to have enough to get a small place. They'd take a bus to some place that had a factory so they could get jobs. Ben was already seventeen but he got phony proof that he was 19 and he got her a proof that made her 17. It was a little bit tough on Crissy since she couldn't pick up lipsticks and eye makeup like she wanted to, but that was proof of her maturity. They both knew it was going to be hard for a while but they were in love and love can do anything. Plus it meant going to sleep together at night and waking up next to each other the next day. They'd be one with one another and so connected sharing everything. It just seemed like these months were passing so slowly. Their love was strong and when they had the money, everything would fall into place perfectly.

The bus ride was scary. Crissy clung to Ben, excited and scared to death. They were headed 120 miles northwest to a small factory town that had an electronics plant that was hiring. Ben had looked into that himself and was disappointed that Crissy hadn't been able to follow up on the things he asked her to look into. This caused the two to fight a little bit now and then, but their love was strong and they were on their way to a life together as one. Ben tried to understand how Crissy thought it was more important to spend time with her girlfriends rather than taking care of the things he asked. Then she explained that once they were on their way it would just be the two of them and their love was going to make everything so fantastic for them. Now Ben clung to Crissy as some fear started to take hold in his heart as well. But their love was strong, deep and true as they kept reminding each other.

They were soul mates who were created for each other and nothing was going to separate them, ever. And the bus continued on its journey to their love nest destination.

answered Mar 27, 2011 by EmyO (274 points)
A last sad tribute to departed merit.
Fitting...nice Saxon.
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There once was a lad in the kingdom of Delue who deeply loved the princess of Colane. The only thing that split them apart was the fact that their two kingdoms were enemies. The princess dearly loved the man who lived in Delue. She prayed and cried everyday so that someday, they would meet. One day a group of knights and dragons destroyed the princess’s kingdom. While this was happening, the lad, Jon, sneaked over to Colane and helped the princess out. On their way out, two men dressed in dark cloaks grabbed the princess. “Lydia!" cried Jon. The two men in black rode away on their horses with Lydia stuffed in a bag. As the men rode away Jon chased after them and after a while, gave up. He couldn't run with the huge weight of despair in his back. Jon sat down and cried. His true love was gone! He thought. He got up and sprinted back to his house. When he got there he saw an outline of the two men and Lydia through the woods. “Ohhhhh...." Shouted Jon.

That night Jon had a dream where Lydia escaped where the people took her and came back to Jon. Then they lived happily ever after.

The next day Jon's dream did not come true. But instead of Lydia escaping, Jon went to go find her. He ventured through many wood. Even the Dark Woods. Then, he found the jackpot. Horse tracks! He followed them all day until the tracks stopped in front of a house in the poor village of Texel. He barged in the house. Sitting there was Lydia. She turned around. She was about to scream when Jon clapped his hand over her mouth.

Then she got up and they went to Delue. Several times they heard the kidnappers coming back.

Jon and Lydia got married and had three children. Jon, Lydia and Mary. It turns out, dreams do come true. 

answered Mar 27, 2011 by ross19 (148 points)
edited Apr 5, 2011 by ross19
Hi ross19. I'm glad you have found challenges that you can respond to. Your love story is a great example of attempting to meet a challenge. I did want you to note something. Saxon did state that grammar and spelling was going to be important in selecting a winning story. If you have spell check on your computer, may I suggest that you use it and edit this entry. Also, the word "their" has homonyms that have different meanings but sound alike and are spelled differently (their, there, they're), and you want to use the correct word. You can edit an entry anytime up to the cut off date and still be eligible as well as add more than one entry if you feel so inclined. This is a great start for entering challenges. Welcome aboard.
Ditto that for me too EmyO.  Great comments.
thanks emy0!
Ross, I see potential in your writing. The line "he  couldn't run with the huge weight of despair on his back" is simply WONDERFUL. Something I would suggest is making longer sentences and switching up your sentence structure. This story is all short sentences "he did this" "she did that" "he saw this". Overall, this was a lovely story!