ThinkWrite LXIV

Question

In honor of our Year Eleven,  write a story,  situation or character portrait of one hundred and eleven words which begins on New Year's day, and includes all of the following terms:

1. vow                                  6. outcome

2. resolve                            7. public

3. guilt                                  8. outrageous

4. hope                                9. backward

5. laugh                             10. desperate

 

Imagination and originality are important !   The best entry will be announced on Valentine's Day.

Comments

annierosie:  Great word list!  As the current torchbearer you make the rules, but traditionally a ThinkWrite challenge lasts for up to 2 weeks.  It is your decision if you want to run it till Valentines Day though, you are the torchbearer.  I'll be participating!

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annierosie:  Would love to see more contributions to ThinkWrite.  It has grown a little "long in the tooth" due to your extreme time frame.  Let's see more comments from you and maybe another "response" to your own challenge.

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hi doug:  Please do give me a clue 'cause I am kinda the new kid on the block here .  .  I gave this a long time frame so there would be opportunity for us all to compare lots of different writing styles.  I find that very interesting and so far it has been great.  Since I must choose one response as best, I have been withholding comments for now  to allow free play -- but I can comment if that is better.   -- Do you mean I should respond to my own challenge?  I wanted to but didn't know if that is OK.  -- What does "torchbearer" entail?

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The torchbearer comes up with a "ten word list" that all responses must include.  They also set a word count.  It can be any number or a range or whatever they want.  The torchbearer makes the rules.  The only tried and true "rules" from a historical perspective is that the torchbearer picks the word list,  the word count and that they pass the torch based on whatever criteria they decide.  The torch is passed for the story "you" like best.  When it is time to pass the torch you hit the "flowery" looking symbol to the right of that story and it will be moved to the top and "highlighted".  You should give your constructive criticism, praise or any other comments along the way.  Anything else?

Oh, one more thing...You cannot choose the person who chose you as the torchbearer unless it is impossible for you not to.

Answer 1

I had hoped to resolve this by New Year's, but once again, fate laughed in my face. I guess I was just as guilty as she was of letting the public influence our decisions. Being desperate for attention makes you do stupid things, like telling too many people about the ceremony. "Outrageous" was one of the more common words they used when they heard about our plans to exchange vows. The outcome of it all? She said we should put it on hold.  To me it felt like we weren't pausing, but moving backwards. But, I agreed. I guess being a lesbian isn't as fun as it seemed in the beginning.

Comments

Thanks, annie.

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It was a very hard choice with so many good responses -- I especially liked the second response, Doug's clever riff about this Thinkwrites forum.  But I have to give the gold ring to this concise little story by Spots.  Good work, Spots.

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Best choice - hands down.

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Aw, drats! Now I have to make a new challenge!
All joking aside, thank you. I'll try to have a new one for you by tomorrow.

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Looking forward to the next challenge oh great and powerful torchbearer :)

Answer 2

111 words, no title and a little different for me for those who have known me for awhile.

 

It was with quiet resolve that Mara joined the convent. Her mother deemed her backward and not much good for anything other than the solitude of the church. Mara hoped the outcome of her experience wouldn’t become a prison, her lashing out desperately to escape. Racked with guilt of her mother’s insistence she trudged through the door of the mother superiors’ house which was festooned with crosses of every form.

“Outrageous!” the head nun exclaimed. “You do not belong in a convent, rather a public jail rotting away while you pray for your forgiveness.”

Mara laughed. Her journey to taking her vows as a nun had begun. She kneeled and prayed. 

Comments

I had to read it twice to get what was going on. It seems that the word limit cut this one a bit too short. I think I got it, though - she thought the convent would be a prison for her and the head nun's words seemed ironic?
(Sorry for the late comment, I've been busy and haven't been around for a while.)

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Interesting snapshot and would make a good opening for a story --  raises questions on a lot of fronts.  I would have said 'an imprisonment' rather than 'a prison' just for the sake of logic .  .

Answer 3

Slightly over the word count.

 

An exercise in futility

Once upon a time, there was a nubile circle of literary liaisons who resolved to keep up a tradition no matter the outcome. In a desperate search for new talent a great and powerful wizard bestowed a site upon us to master our craft and keep us protected from the outrageously greedy artful types. In what has become a public embarrassment facing backward against the tide of hope, we lay prostrate, guilt ridden by what has become of the golden egg. A simple thread, born from one genius mind who must be laughing, no cackling at what has become of his brain child, has been reduced to demons writing in crayon.

It is with quiet resolution that I vow on bended knees to right the ship which has been reduced to rubble on the bottom of the literary ocean.

S.O.S 

Comments

Wow -- awesome.   And both responses are really original.  I assumed all the responses would go in the "New Year's resolution" direction   .  .  .

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A lament for a paradise lost?

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Saxon:  Glad to see someone gets the inside meaning.  It seems that we've lost our following and I don't see ThinkWrite evolving into anything but oblivion.

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QED. Let us wait and see!

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Really raising the bar, I see.  Good work.

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I got it too -- but didn't know if it was my place to dis the people who just want to do emo type challenges and responses.   I think we could open up the format a bit, as for example the post-apocalypse challenge, but for me the emo is mostly limp and self-indulgent.

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Well put.

Answer 4

This is my first challenge. I had fun with it.

 

 

It the first day of a New Year... a day that was supposed to be filled with joy and hope. Instead, Angeline simply felt guilt. Last night, the Ministry gave her an outrageous choice. She could vow to be the Bishop's slave forever, or her mother would be subjected to the yearly Public Humiliation ritual.

As the Bishop entered, Angeline took a step backward. She knew how to resolve this. She looked at the Bishop, and with a wry laugh, she pointed to her mother. Her mother ran over, a desperate look in her eyes. Angeline quickly stabbed her mother and then herself. The outcome? The Bishop got nothing at all.

Comments

Nice little twist.  I would have liked to see what you could have made of it with a higher word count.  Rules are rules (sometime broken also).

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Thank you. Those last sentences feel so rushed. I may spend some time fleshing it out, see what I can make of it.

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Yes, I see what you mean. The part where she quickly stabs both of them seems a bit comical when you visualize it. I do love the idea. You should consider breaking the word limit and finishing it in your own way.

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Nice use of the words, and it is a real  story in very few words.  My only suggestion by way of improvement is that 'the Bishop' would be more concrete if he had a name --  like 'Bishop Devlin' or ?.

Answer 5

On January 1st I vowed that the year would be filled with hope and laughter. Though there were times when my behavior seemed inappropriate, even outrageous to others, I steadfastly resolved to feel no guilt despite the fact that at first I felt desperate for public approval. Nevertheless I never moved backward in my effort to achieve a successful outcome. Every day I read something funny, often I read it aloud to my friends so that we could laugh together. The results were beyond my greatest hope. Far from thinking my behavior outrageous, my friends decided I was such fun to be with. The outcome was that I became immensely popular!

Comments

Honestly, I was kinda bored with this piece.  The sentences were too long and there wasn't much structure to the story or a flow of any kind.  Try again.

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Not bad for a first attempt though.   I wonder -- could you turn the word list into a funny story?

Answer 6

Horns sounded across the public square, echoing the coming of the new year into every ear, whether that ear was particularly joyful to hear it or not. Arrif's ears were not particularly joyful, and demonstrated that resolve by jolting him from a peaceful slumber. Tumbling backward onto the cold floor, Arrif took a minute to make a new year’s vow: that whoever had come up with this outrageous noise would get a trumpet rammed....somewhere unpleasant.  In a desperate attempt to carry out this vow, Arrif banged the window open in hopes of getting a peek. The outcome of one of the guilty horns laughing right in his face changed his tune.

Comments

The last sentence confused me. What exactly is going on?

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I get the picture but it is kind of a rough ride.  That is the challenge in working with a word list -- making it smooth.

Answer 7

111 words, no title and more "my" style...

As the outrageous fireworks still rang out John lumbered down the steps to his basement. A light bulb hung from laughable wiring casting a soft glow throughout the cement chamber. He was desperate. A new year; a better outcome. He resolved to change his ways and vowed never to “slip” again. It wasn’t the ice cold beer in the public pub he was about to go to that gave him hope, but rather those “feelings” that left him guilt ridden. He picked up the machete and glanced around the basement. An assortment of body parts, some leathery from years of drying, decorated the walls and floors.

He took one step backward. 

 

Comments

One inevitable consequence of having lots of average work around is that you'll automatically stick out as good. So, I'll try to resist giving too much praise and try to make my comment more helpful.
What I've noticed about this challenge is that the word count is really low and it's proving difficult to get the point across, so things end up being rushed or cut off at the end. Here, it doesn't feel that unnatural, although the story does seem to /want/ to continue. Despite that, it still has a property that most other stories here have - it starts out very descriptive with big words and with each passing sentence cuts more to the point. I guess it could be on purpose, but somehow the first two sentences here seem overly poetic for something that is supposed to be concise and I get the feeling that you just started writing it using any words that came to mind and then saw you were getting towards the end quickly and changed the style. I wonder if I'm gonna do the same thing...

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Thanks Spots!  I am very uncomfortable with the short word count.  We can always make it work in the end, but I like 2 to 300 word counts.  I would even go so far as to make it more, but it would have to require tight editing too and not just some outrageously long sentence without any thought or structure.

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I think this falls below your usual standard.  I felt two thought-trains scrambled together somehow.  But then, if you could carry that throughout a story about a psycho, it might be really interesting .  .

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I love the "psycho type".  A young lady who no longer graces us with her presence and has started her own website named me "monster man" for my macabre characters and stories.  This one was left open-ended.  It would have been better with a few hundred more words.

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hmmm .  .  maybe what I was sensing is that there are two rooms in your psyche and they are coming together in your writing --

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perception noted...

Answer 8

ENDLESS  (111 w/o title)

 It's been over a year since my sweet Pricilla left me and I resoved to hold on to life awaiting her return.  But an old man in my condition has so little time left, he lives on false hopes that she'll be back by the first of the year.

 I mentally peddle backward trying desparately to slow or reverse time.  She must have grown weary.  It's laughable,  but another look in her eyes might cure me.  Wrong.  I died on Jan. 1.  By outrageous coincidence, she returned on the second.

 "Father!" Pricilla cried. "I've broken my vow.  I'll endure public guilt over this outcome."  She sobbed as an old photograph of us drifted slowly down. 

Comments

Kind of strange and different friend.  I'm ok with most of it but he last line has me puzzled. "as an old photograph of us drifted slowly down."  Was there more to the story and you had to edit the part out that would have made that line fit?  At 111 words I know its hard to edit without ruining the flow.  I think that is what happened here.

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You got it, Doug.  I like these short word limits, but bit off more than I could chew.  I got wrapped up in the tragic situation then felt it needed some sort of metaphysical twist to make everything OK.  The old photo is for the fond memories and the drifting implies "other-worldly" activity.

BTW, I was in the hospital for a week in Dec. and my daughter was with me throughout.  Mortality's on my mind.  Back to TW.

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I'm glad you're back in one piece, giraffe. And the next time you see Mortality, tell it to f*** off.
Anyway, back to the story. Am I the only one that's bothered by the changes in tenses? It seems to really disrupt the flow. I like the general concept, but I don't think you did much with it. Lack of motivation, perhaps?

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That second paragraph really works for me.  The 'public guilt' sentence is kind of forced.  Really hard to fit the word 'public' into this context!  BTW - Staring down mortality is an interesting subject.  Maybe you could make a challenge about it .  .

Answer 9

111 words on the nose

 

Roll

He took a backward step, careful not to upset the balance he had created. The perfect shimmy could affect the outcome of his precarious position. Desperate for some sense of closure he gave out a loud laugh hoping to unnerve his opponent, then guilt ridden by the mere fact of his chicanery. Hoping the end would be near he took a large leap and the crowd gasped as his feet fell perfectly back onto challenge position. With a quiet vow and outrageous courage he did a back flip and landed square, back into the middle again.

His opponent went splash as what was once two on a log became one. 

Comments

Much better. It seems to fit the word count perfectly. Good work.

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Very nice!  You have an ability to put the reader right there.  Only suggestion: I would have said 'felt' before 'guilt.'

Answer 10

-- in 1-2-3 order just for fun . . 111 not counting title ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Past Life Regression --------------------------------------------I heard myself vow in strange accents, ' O mighty Baal, I resolve to serve you beyond all human love and guilt!' as I threw my firstborn child into the flames. Instead of the expected rush of glory, I felt all hope extinguished as an evil laugh echoed in my soul. Now, centuries later, I live with the outcome of that betrayal of my child and my own heart's truth, in obedience to a public religion which was outrageous, backward to all that is good. My distrust of human society is profound, and I ask, I am desperate to know, what other terrible customs enslave my mind in this modern age?.

Comments

Excellent..direct, interesting and challenging all in 111 words :)

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I agree. Very good!