ThinkJoke Challenge

Question

Let's get ...funny! No kidding...ermm...yes kidding!
This challenge is pretty much like a ThinkWrite one, except for...the stories are supposed to  be made-up jokes. Or at least, anecdotes, funny stuff!
No word limit (but please remember even anecdotes are usually short ! :D), short word list:
*blonde
*groggy
I'll pass on the baton, 21 'funny stuff' ' from here! (bold reply expectation, i know:) ).

Comments

Nice to see this challenge has 'taken flight'. :) I have been sneaking in here lately.
Just to make the purpose of the challenge clear: the challenge is about thinking a joke (might be inspired /a variation on another of course), but how you write it and the originality of it are the main criteria for getting the baton. (Unless somebody's joke gets an 'undefeatable ' number of votes=let's say at least 5 more votes  than any other.   )
So please keep in mind, this is inspired by ThinkWrite and...do vote. :)

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well... any  'jokenews'?

Answer 1

Brittney Spears  stumbled into the bar at 7:00 AM.  She was still groggy from the partying all month.  Her new blonde dye job made her feel infallable.

"Wish oo buy ee a drink?"  she slurred at the bartender.  He couldn't understand her and asked her to repeat it.  "Where's my fucking purse?"

"You want a trucking nurse?  We'll get you one.  Sit down."  

She fell down and tried to say "Is my speech impaired?"

"Yes.  Your peaches are spared."  The joke was on her.

Answer 2

It doesnt have groggy in it, and i didnt make it up, bt its a blonde joke!!  A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

Comments

That was a gooood one!

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oh my! didn't get to comment a lot, but i know that one got me laughing for sure!

Answer 3

Nuttin's funnier than the real thing.  Being a sharp minded businessman in a "big little" city I occassionally get to witness some pretty damn funny stuff.  I'll share one.  Every summer the "grunge" element passes through town.  You can picture 20 something kids with grungy clothes, hair and most of them have a dog.  They loaf on the sidewalks panhandling usually with cute signs saying "will work for beer".  One day a couple of the blonde female grunge types in their drunken groggy stupor decided to remove their tops and bras and prance and run up and down the street in front of my restaurant.  Everyone seemed either shocked or scintillated by the show (they were not beauties I'll add) and noone called the cops.  I stood outside my door and one of the young ladies ran up to me with her beer belly hanging out in front of me.  She had drawn a large circle around her belly button with a marker and wrote inside "f... me in the a..".  Strangest and funniest thing I've seen in my 20 plus years in the burgh'.

Answer 4

Heard a cute story from a nurse.  They had a patient they were prepping for surgery,she was the punk type and her blond hair was cut in a mohawk and dyed several different shades and she had lots of piercings and what not.  So after they've got her well past groggy and under anesthetic they had to expose her abdomen and they notice that her pubic hair is dyed bright green and she had a tattoo just above it that said "Keep off the Grass".  In the course of getting her ready they had to shave a good portion of that hair so after the surgery was over they made a little note after her tattoo which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Comments

Wickedly funny!

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haha made we laugh!

Answer 5

The groggy blonde was driving 35 in a 40 mph zone when she got pulled over by a cop.

"Whassha matter, Officher?  I wasn't shpeeding."

He unbuckled his belt.

"Oh no.  Not another breath-alyzer."

Comments

no further comment on this one :))

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I LOL'd

Answer 6

A snail  got mugged by a turtle wearing a blonde wig, when police asked for a report of events , the groggy snail said " I can't recall, it all happened so fast" :D

Comments

good one, Bhuges!

Answer 7

Sarah Jessica Parker had just been to the hair salon to have her dark roots dyed blonde. She was not best pleased with the result and decided to hit the bars. As she groggily walked into the third bar, the bartender turned round and asked: "Why the long face..."

Mike woke late after heavy night of drinking. He made his way into the lounge and bumped into Delia, his blonde flatmate. Mike was groggy, and stumbled into a chair. He noticed Delia smiling broadly. "Hey Dee," he said. "What's making you so happy?" She held up a jigsaw box. "This jigsaw says 3-4 years," she said triumphantly. "And I did it in 25 minutes".

Mike returned home from work to be greeted by two piles of vomit on the kitchen counter. Concerned, he went looking for Dee, his flatmate. He found her slumped on the bed, a dark towel over her eyes. A concerned Mike asked, "Dee, are you ok?" The groggy girl sat up and pulled the towel from her face. "I don't feel so good." "What happened?" "Well," the blonde replied. "I went to the fridge to get a drink of OJ, and the carton said 'Concentrate', so I did, I got a migraine, and I threw up. But I was still thirsty, and I saw a bottle of Gatorade, and the label said 'Shake well before opening', so I jumped up and down and shook myself side to side, got dizzy and threw up. I tell ya, that fridge is not safe!"

Comments

one can't even count on fridges this days, lol! very cool one

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LOL! love them all!

Answer 8

Saw a "funny" on a diner sign on my way home today.  Sorry no blonde or groggy..

People are allowed to be stupid, some just abuse it.

Comments

oh...that's no joke...that's the truth :))

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lol brilliantly hilarious!

Answer 9

After a terrible break-up my blond friend looked at me groggily and said "Sometimes it turns out your knight in shining armour is just some retard in tin-foil."

Comments

Another good one dragon!

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l o l !

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Deep. ;)

Answer 10

This was posted in the break room at my restaurant.  After removing it I made a copy for another manager and brought it home to share with you all.  I am not the author of this piece.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change.
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off,
Also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work,
12% on Monday,
23% on Tuesday,
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday,
5% on Fridays,
And help me to remember that…
When I have a really bad day,
And it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
That it takes 42 muscles to frown,
And only 4 muscles to extend my middle finger,
And tell them to BITE ME!

Comments

Shanley, you might want to just rename this THE SHANLEY JOKE FORUM and keep it going.  I've enjoyed the jokes so far.

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lol Doug! this sounded very realistic , so to speak :)) although it did not include the requested words.
About the suggestion:
my intention was to make people use their writing talent to cheer us up a bit, but i must admit jokes are fun, regardless of their original source...so, in case other TDers will feel the same way as you, i will make the suggested changes. :)

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I wonder why the ThinkJoke Challenge stayed on the second page.  I still don't understand the "rules" around here.  On ThinkDraw you could "bump" an older thread to the top by adding to it.  That makes sense to me.  I did make the suggestion somewhere though that the "original" ThinkWrite thread should "always" be at the top of the list, at least the latest edition of it.  I'm glad to see a variety of challenges and some new "blood" to write with.  I think its refreshing.  I do miss some of the ones who didn't make the journey or got lost in the shuffle.  I'm glad you made the trip!